Sex is the most powerful and important thing in the universe, and if you aren’t instantly good at it you probably never will be and everyone will laugh at you. This is something you should know before even attempting sex.
The name of the book is, Sexy Book of Sexy Sex
You have the potential to hold in your hands the ultimate guide to getting your rocks off, rigorously field tested by the authors.
Every sexual technique they have tried. Every erogenous zone they have erogenated. Every STD they have suffered from — sometimes for way too long — just to see what would happen.
But beware — this sexy knowledge comes with a terrible price:
First, a suggested retail of $24.95 ($29.95 in Canada). Admittedly on the high end for this type of book, but the authors have to eat.
Second — and far more important — after you have read this book, there is no going back.
Once absorbed, the wisdom contained in The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex cannot be unlearnt. You may easily spend the rest of your life orgasming you brains out and neglecting your friendships, you career, and every other aspect of your life that doesn’t involve constant genital stimulation. To call you a “mindless sex zombie” would be putting it gently. But you will be completely satisfied . . . as will your legions of sexual partners.
Sounds like a potential New York Times bestseller to me!
Check out these early reviews:
“Hilarious . . . and now I finally know where sex books come from.”
–Jon Stewart, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
“Of course, I was lucky enough to see Rich and Kristen’s famous lovemaking seminar and demonstration LIVE at TED Conference, and I can assure you, I am 40 percent sexier as a result. But for those of you who cannot afford their $4,000 fee (and the required tarps and opera glasses), this book offers you a rare, essential glimpse into the Schaal/Blomquist method of ADVANCED DOING-IT, and finally, a chance at 40 percent sexiness.”
–John Hodgman, author of The Areas of My Expertise and More Information Than You Require
“Even hotter in Braille.”
–Helen Keller
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