This week in a very uneven episode of Desperate Housewives creepy Paul revealed his evil plot to destroy Wisteria Lane, Susan and Lynette discussed Tom’s penis and Gabby was arrested.
I am not sure what I suspected Paul Young (Mark Moses) was up to when he moved back to Wisteria Lane but it was not what he revealed to his neighbors last night. Last night’s episode kicked off with Paul buying yet another house on the Lane, bringing his real estate monopoly to seven houses. Then he put up a sign in the front yard that announced to the neighborhood that he was opening the Second Chance Community Correctional Center, a half-way house for convicted criminals. Excuse me what? Your evil revenge plot involves lowering the property values and causing arguments? This from a man, who stole a baby, disposed of the mother’s body and then killed his neighbor who found out about it. I liked creepy Paul better than I like lame bad neighbor Paul. If they had to bring him back, at least make it interesting. And where is Beth? After the revelation that Felicia Tillman is her mother I’d expect she’s up to something. Maybe she is poisoning Bree’s award winning rose bushes and stealing Lynette’s paper as part of Paul’s evil plot.
The whole episode was up and down for me. I thought Lynette (Felicity Huffman) and Tom’s (Doug Savant) discussion about his mammoth penis and her hesitation to advertise the fact to her friends was a little silly at first, but then later when she revealed the real reasons behind it I really felt bad for her. Of all the women on Wisteria Lane I think Lynette is the one most grounded in reality. Yeah she does some underhanded things and can be a smidge manipulative but I really get her. It helps that Felicity Huffman can act her ass off.
Gabby (Eva Longoria) was up to her old tricks as well which involve being selfish and vapid, but I kind of love that about her. When she found out Carmen was taking Grace to Texas in a few days she freaked out and turned her in to immigration, hoping to force Carmen to let Grace live with her. She has second thoughts though and when the INS agents show up she poses as Carmen and gets arrested. Carlos showed up later to get her out of jail but there didn’t seem to be any repercussions for posing as an illegal to help them escape. And Carlos wasn’t terribly upset either, and he gets mad about everything.
This week also saw the Wisteria Lane debut of Cynthia Watros, most recently known as Libby from ABC’s Lost. She portrays Tracy Miller, an old friend of Bree’s (Marcia Cross) who is newly divorced and has lost a tremendous amount of weight. She has also developed a deplorable personality which Bree overlooks long enough to set her up with Keith’s father Richard (John Schneider). Bree has been too distracted by Richard’s depression and obvious efforts to hit on her that she failed to notice that Keith (Brian Austin Green) has been trying to get her alone for a special dinner so he can propose. The proposal falls apart thanks to Tracy and Keith is horrified. But Bree knows what his intentions are now and from the looks of Bree’s slightly furrowed brow she has no intention of accepting.
Poor Susan doesn’t really have a storyline right now. After her unfortunate internet porn fiasco and since Mike has left for Alaska to make some money she more or less runs from porch to porch being nosey and clinging to the plots of her cast mates desperately looking for something to do. Her snooping reveals that Renee (Vanessa Williams) is unhappy about something but it takes a lot of liquor to get it out of her. She confesses to Susan after a terrible birthday dinner that she has let the man of her dreams Tom Scavo get away, and now she has to live down the street from him. And she hinted that Tom was with someone else at the time. Was it Lynette? The time frame seems to imply it was. Will Susan tell Lynette or will she convince Renee to back off? I suspect a little of both. Let’s just hope Susan keeps her clothes on for a while longer.
All of this was building up to the big Homeowner’s Association meeting where the residents of the lane are convinced they have the votes to squash Paul’s intention to bring murderers and rapists to the neighborhood. It is there that they find out Lee has sold Paul all those houses and never questioning his motives, which gives Paul almost enough votes to overrule them. He appeals to the people on the street who are struggling to sell to him and a few of them consider it which sparks a fight. Paul goes home, happy to see his neighbors arguing. So lame.
I’ve had a hard time finding much to care about on DH lately. The switched at birth storyline with Gabriel seems to have come from the trash bin of The Bold and Beautiful and Bree as a cougar is fun, but where is Andrew and what on earth has she been doing since her business went under? I am more interested in that.
Next week it looks like the debate over the potential halfway house grows into an all out riot and Susan is injured in the fracas. Check out a preview below and tune into Desperate Housewives on ABC next Sunday at 9pm. And follow me on Twitter @omgneal!