So everyone is about the Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Damon (Ian Somerhalder) of it all. Which of course is good and all that, except once again: makeup crue? We need to have a talk. And I’ll make it of the “evil villain vs James Bond” kind if you don’t listen. That Kohl eyeliner of evil that has been sported on TV series ever since the days of Lauren (Melissa George) on Alias? Needs to go! Now!
Lauren could rock it and, just a side note, she was a GIRL! But it really, REALLY doesn’t look good on Stefan and Damon. Damon especially, poor Somerhalder seems to have the worst treatment when it comes to that. They’re vampires, their eyes darken when they turn. We get that because, remember? We’ve been watching since the pilot. So we don’t need the eyeliner to remind us, it’s fine. We much prefer to stare at the pretty and drool over them while they’re eyeliner-free. Trust me on this one. End of eyeliner rant #8594736.
So I was saying. Everyone is about the Stefan and Damon of it all. Which is fine and dandy. But, I’m really about the Alaric of it all. Because I’ve loved Matt Davis ever since nobody had any idea who he was, and I drooled over him in “What About Brian”, in fact I thought it should have been “What About Adam?” (and Eve, and let it be clear I would have played Eve. Yeah, yeah, get in line.) And man, the eyeliner is still there, but I’ve been paid back with LOTS of gorgeous Alaric photos here, particularly that close-up that makes my knees flutter. This man knows how to rock a close-up. I’ll leave it at that, this could go very wrong very quick. Ahem. I take it Matt Davis knew these photos were being distributed when he joked on Twitter earlier today that next episode was going to be called “Alaric of Arabia”? He sure seems like he’s got the role of the conqueror who then needs to pacify here.
Not to mention, fresh from another “heeeeyy! Let’s have a GREAT idea!” moment, Damon decides that the best way to catch Elijah (guest star Daniel Gillies) off-guard is to organize a dinner party for him, hosting Jenna (Sarah Canning), Alaric and Andie (guest star Dawn Olivieri). And Alaric is of course right in the middle of it. What could POSSIBLY go wrong when one of “the originals” is invited to dinner with at least two nice human preys to feed on, possibly in the house of the woman he’s making a pact with in order to obtain something (God knows what) he’s been after for centuries? Nothing, except everything. And of course it does, because last-minute information throws Damon’s plan into chaos. No, I don’t want to even think about it. Yes, clearly this spells nothing good.
Earlier in the day, it seems like Alaric, Elijah and Jenna have all played “let’s have a picnic in the country”, while singing “The Sound of Music” soundtrack together. Or so it looks like, going by the all-smiles photos. Except the way Alaric is smiling at Elijah more or less shows his typical “you know I’m the nice, hot, sexy teacher but I’ve been married to one murderous bitch vampire, I have a ring to protect myself, I’m on vervaine, I have all sorts of anti-vampire weaponry and you don’t fool me. So you better behave” expression. Or maybe a bromance is born, as it would seem by the hilarious tweets Daniel Gilles and Matt Davis exchange? Who knows. Jenna of course – after cutting her guts with her favorite kitchen knife, having seen everyone around her die or be hurt by vampires and inviting every possible dangerous vampire to please come into her house – is still a proud member of “Team Oblivious Human”. A hint, producers: it’s getting a tad much? She’s not a stupid woman, it’s got to come to an end. And by this I do NOT mean “kill her”. She better live and have plenty of hot scenes with Alaric!
Elsewhere, Stefan tells Elena ( Nina Dobrev ) about a dark time in his history and the surprising person whose influence changed everything. This has doom and gloom written all over it. And, I’m taking bets over who the surprising person is:
A) Isobel. What, you think it’s coincidental that she tried to kill off the Salvatore brothers? Clearly she had a crush on Stefan and helped him overcome his darkest times, but she could only fool around with Damon, because Stefan didn’t wuv her, so that now we’re spared the “EWWW! Elena’s boyfriend had sex with her mother!” part. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. First I help you, then I try to kill you. Ask any soap-opera writer.
B) Uncle John. Truth is, dear ole Uncle John was yet another one with a huge crush on Stefan. Isobel was just a distraction while he pined over and over for Stefan. And he helped him become a way better vampire! But as we all know Stefan prefers girls, so scorned Uncle John then became a vampire slayer and the all-around insufferable villain we’re seeing now. By the way, you don’t fool me Sark. You’re a sneaky bugger. Where are the pricey wine and the Gucci suit? I know you have them hidden somewhere. (Non-Alias fans, sorry for the reference, it had to be said.)
C) Elijah. What. He’s loyal and he doesn’t like to make a mess of things. Didn’t you notice how well taken care of and ordinate he is? And he’s got far less eyeliner! Plus so far he’s kept his pact with Elena. Not to mention he may have had all to gain from training Steffie, and helping him kill nicely and keep it under control, given he’s been after God knows what for centuries and it all originated with Katherine. Who loved Stefan. See? It all goes back to that.
And finally, for the triangle portion of the show! Once again, thought there was a triangle-free episode? Come on now. So, in a twist I don’t entirely find comprehensible, after getting the truth out of Luka (guest star Bryton James), Jonas (guest star Randy Goodwin) makes his feelings clear to Bonnie (Katerina Graham) and Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen). No, no. no. Wait a minute. Hold the horses. Now this is becoming a freaking quadrangle for real! The dad is in love with the COUPLE no less? I’m out. This is too much of a mess to clear even for me. And speaking of clarity: Bonnie you heard me, right? Yes you did, next time Jeremy in all his not-so-geeky-anymore hotness tries to kiss you, YOU KISS HIM BACK. Then you can complain about what a bitch life is when a witch like you kisses a super hot, sexy human like Jeremy, and you can whine about it to Elena and Caroline (Candice Accola. Who may actually have to disagree, given the real-life dating situation? Never mind.) But that is AFTER you have taken the goodies, understood? Good. Now go play some tonsil tennis with Jeremy.
I got nothing about the above-mentioned plot twist, so don’t ask. I don’t understand, I don’t want to understand, I’ll reserve judgment for when I see it. It better be good. And by this I mean it better show me a really good angle of Steven R. McQueen’s nice jaw. What, I have a thing for chiselled jaws. And this calls for? Henry Cavill, the man with the finest jaw on the planet! (see how I slipped the Henry Cavill reference in there? Man, I’m getting good at this.) And you, Superman fans. I want to see cartwheels. No way you ever land such a good actor to play Superman again. Not to mention the hottest man on the planet. And that means both Krypton and Earth. Even the Vampire Diaries creator Julie Plec tweeted about it, making an exception and commenting about the excellent casting idea, because hello? This guy is awesomeness personified. And see? Perfect mix-up with Vampire Diaries. Sometimes I am amazed at my smooth operator tricks. Never mind that they don’t work with Michael Vartan and Henry Cavill. Nobody’s perfect.
So, want to see how “Guess who’s coming to dinner: the vampire version” goes? Then don’t forget to tune in for episode 15 “The Dinner Party”, on Thursday, Feb. 17 at 8 p.m. on the CW Television Network!
Photo Cred: CW Network