I won’t call this a review because I didn’t want to see The Green Lantern in the first place. Think of this more as a reaction. When a free ticket to this movie presented itself along with the opportunity to duck out of work early on a Friday I weighed my options; stare at VBscript all afternoon or stare at Ryan Reynolds in green tights. Ryan Reynolds won out but I should have stayed at work.
Earlier this year I decided there was way too many super hero/comic related movies coming out and I was darn sick of it. SICK TO DEATH I tell you. I don’t read comics, never have. I tried once ages ago to get into a series called Crisis on Infinite Earths but it didn’t grab me at all. More recently I dove into the comic adaptations of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower mostly because I have this completists fetish for Mr. King and felt I had to own them. I read the first one and the other two have sat on my shelf looking pretty ever since. The artwork is gorgeous and I may get around to reading them eventually. Maybe. Nearly all of my friends love love love comic books so it is truly a mystery how I missed that particular train. I don’t lose sleep over it though.
That is not to say I don’t enjoy a comic/super hero related movie now and then. I liked the first Spider Man (with Tobey Macguire) quite a bit. The second one was pretty good too but that third one was complete and utter shit. I also liked The Crow a lot as well as Sin City and if you read this blog regularly you know I am a big fan of The Walking Dead. I guess my problem lies mostly with the super hero genre and not just with comic-based media as a whole. I find most of it just silly and ridiculous, with the exception of The Dark Knight, which I just found to be intensely boring and The X-Men films which actually aren’t that bad. Okay two of them aren’t that bad. I realize most of you will condemn me to Hell for daring to speak ill of the mighty Christopher Nolan and the late Heath Ledger but so be it. I’m just being honest. I thought you should know that before I share my reaction to The Green Lantern. Don’t worry I don’t get spoilery.
So as someone whose knowledge of the mythology of The Green Lantern is based solely on what I can remember from watching The Super Friends on TBS every Saturday morning when I was eight I expected this film to be a bit cheesy but fun enough to be worth two hours of my time. I also expected to not be completely confused and lost as to why any of the action on screen was happening. They did try to explain things in the beginning but I got lost somewhere between the 3500 star systems and the talking fish. Then in walks Blake Lively as a fighter pilot and we get the opening sequence of Top Gun rehashed in glorious CGI. Yes THAT Blake Lively…flying an F35 fighter. Ryan Reynolds was his usual charming self as Hal, basically Van Wilder with a pilot’s license until the strange purple man crash-lands in the bay and gives him a ring that takes him to another planet for basic training. At this point I started nodding off. I’m not kidding I went to sleep and when I woke up I discovered that the ring gives Hal the power to create whatever he can imagine, and Ryan Reynolds can imagine some pretty stupid shit. The film lost me for good when a he made a giant Hot Wheels track appear.
I’ll admit that I walked into the theater not expecting to like it. I secretly wanted to be pleasantly surprised. The purpose of a movie like that is to gain new fans who maybe aren’t reading the comics. Instead I now have burning inside me a fiery hot hatred for anything involving super heroes, men in colored tights and talking aliens, I don’t care how many Nazi’s Chris Evans destroys in the Captain America trailer. My point is that if you are at all on the fence about this and you don’t usually love super hero movies but thought “hey Ryan Reynolds is pretty hot so why not!” I’d stay away. Go see Super 8 or Bridesmaids instead. If super heroes are what gets your blood going in the morning then by all means flock to the theater for this one because chances are you will enjoy it more than I did.