Clearly Jada Pinkett-Smith has never watched an episode of Alias. She doesn’t know what messing with Vaughn brings about. Yes, Michael Vaughn, the awesome CIA agent played on Alias by my longtime TV husband Michael Vartan, one of the classiest and nicest actors in the business, and often one of the most underrated, too. For the record, he’s also ridiculously charming. And gorgeous. Fangirling shall now terminate. Ahem. So, Vartan’s character on TNT’s drama HawthoRNe was put in a ridiculous triangle storyline that included Latin singer (and former Jennifer Lopez husband) Marc Anthony, too.

The wreck of a story (can’t be defined in any other way) didn’t exactly sit well with viewers. Result? TNT announced today that HawthoRNe has been cancelled. “We wish all people involved and Jada in particular the best, yada, yada.” Well Jada, consider yourself lucky you didn’t get your ass kicked by Sydney Bristow (possibly the most hardcore woman spy ever on TV, played by Jennifer Garner on Alias. And Vaughn’s girlfriend on the show. She didn’t take messing with her man too well).

A lot of viewers were outraged by the storyline the show decided to go with this season. Now let me just say it out loud. While Marc Anthony certainly has his charm in terms of singing Latino, and can for sure act, there’s no way any sane woman would cheat on Michael Vartan, two weeks into their marriage, with him! Come on now! I get it that this is TV and suspension of disbelief is part of it, but there’s a limit to how much things can be stretched, even for TNT that makes “we know drama” its trademark.

A lot of viewers didn’t buy into the story at all, mainly because of how Marc Anthony’s character was written. Detective Nick Renata wasn’t popular among a good amount of fans, while Vartan’s character, Dr Tom Wakefield, garnered even more support from fans this season. A big portion of the fans was very vocal about their disappointment at both how Pinkett Smith’s character behaved (nurse Christina Hawthorne had thus far shown a decent moral compass, and that all went into the sinkerator together with the leftovers of my lunch this season) and how Vartan’s character was wronged in the situation. Yet Pinkett-Smith, who took over creative control of the show this season, didn’t listen. The show lost about 25% of its average viewership.

Just so it’s clear, I don’t think fans are in any position to dictate or request ANY story whatsoever on any show. I’m a strong advocate for “the show belongs to creators and writers first and foremost, and actors then”. The moment a producer or writer starts catering to the online audience (which is anyway a tiny, minor portion of the entire viewership), a show is toast. It becomes fanfic instead of TV show. And I don’t condone “shipper” war behavior, ever. [For those of you less familiar with it, "shippers" are those fans who are mainly focused on the story and outcome of a couple on a show, and only see the story and the evolution of the show based on said couple]. But, and this is a big but, when the hard numbers tell you that 25% of your viewers have gone buh-bye and you’re on cable, well it’s definitely time to consider a change in the direction you clearly think is the best thing after Richard Winsor dancing Billy Elliot. (Don’t believe me? Google him. And don’t say I didn’t warn you about how fabulous he is.)

Placing blame is always a sterile exercise, but in this case more than in any other I’ve seen regarding show cancellations, it is clear that those who held creative control of matters are to blame for what happened. So that means Jada Pinkett-Smith first and foremost. I get it Jada, you have friends and you want to bring them on to the show, because you can, and because they’re big names, people who are supposed to draw in more viewers. So fine, bring Marc Anthony on board. That does NOT equal “screw two entire seasons of the show that were built around Christina and Tom and their feelings for each other, and have Christina cheat on freshly-married Tom with Nick Renata.” Ever heard about grey zones? Those things can be pretty fundamental when writing a show. The grey areas are those that allow for writers to bring in a variety of subjects and slowly, I repeat, slowly, develop them to then become either black or white. What happened on HawthoRNe was that we went from full on white to total black without anything in between. And that never works on TV, unless you do it in one episode and then spend the 20 following ones explaining how we got from white to black. So, bye-bye HawthoRNe. After this disastrous last season, I’d be lying if I said I’ll miss you.

There is, however, ONE good side to this. Now you all major network executives and, most of all, you all incredibly wise and brilliant USA Network execs, please listen to me. Michael Vartan is on the market. I don’t think I need to explain how much of an asset this fabulous man is for a show that will bet on him (a decently written one, that is.) His most famous character remains Vaughn on Alias, and we know, because he told us, how much he loves shooting action and guns and how much he’d also love to challenge himself with comedy. He’s got it all: the charm, the talent, the fans. HIRE.HIM.NOW! Or you will have me on your conscience, since I won’t live without my weekly TV dose of Vartan! (So what, I can go drama queen if it’s needed).

Now seriously, I so could see Vartan fitting perfectly on USA Network’s Burn Notice (Michael Westen [Jeffrey Donovan] and Vaughn, YEAH!), or Royal Pains, or White Collar, too. (For the first time, Neal Caffrey [Matt Bomer] would have serious competition in the looks department, too.) We know how great he is at playing the CIA agent, we know he can play those charming characters that people will get to love in no time. Get on it please, yesterday! Oh and, in case (I doubt it, but hey, worth a shot) anyone from CBS sees this… blame Bob Orci for putting this idea in my mind, but Vartan would be a FABULOUS recurring guest star on Hawaii Five-0. Vaughn and McGarrett (Alex O’Loughlin) together? Do you have ANY idea how many women will tune in to watch that? (On top of your regular audience). Nothing else to add here. HawthoRNe is gone, Vartan is here to stay. Shirtless, possibly.

And with this, we say goodbye to HawthoRNe and its woes. (No, I’m not gonna delve into the whole Jada Pinkett-Smith and Marc Anthony matter. That’s best covered with strong liquor available, and right now I need to be sober.)

Bye lovelies, see ya next time!