Remember what happened when you took Tylenol PM and drank an entire bottle of $4 white zinfandel while watching Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me at 3am? Remember that feeling of disorientation and befuddlement? Or was that just me? Watching American Horror Story reminded me a bit of that feeling a bit too much. I didn’t see any spectral white horses or dancing midgets in my living room but I did go to sleep wondering what in the hell I had just watched.

The team that brought us Glee (yes THAT Glee) Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk have diverted about as far as possible from their feel good teen musical romp into a world of self-mutilation, gruesome miscarriages, killer infants and a house that makes that lovely home in Amityville seem like a bed and breakfast. The pilot was a bit overwhelming to be honest. I could hardly make sense of all the information being squirted out of the television, but it is stylish and interesting and Jessica Lange chews a hole in the scenery big enough to walk through. She should be worshipped often.

Here is the setup. Therapist Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott) and his wife Vivien (Connie Britton) are making a move to the west coast with their bundle of sunshine daughter Violet (Taissa Farmiga) after Ben was caught canoodling one of his students in the aftermath of Vivien’s horrific miscarriage. The couple is putting on a happy front for their daughter but things are far from peachy. With the help of a perky realtor (Mrs. Huber from Desperate Housewives) they find a new house in Los Angeles where they can make a fresh start. Mayhem and terror ensues.

With any haunted house story the house itself is the main character American Horror Story is no different. The house in question is large and appropriately creepy when viewed from the extreme camera angles so common in this genre. However it doesn’t look as old as it claims to be and in its dilapidated state looks more like the haunted mansion ride at Disneyland than an eighty year old abandoned mansion. Thank goodness the gay couple who lived there before had the good sense to restore the place completely before killing themselves in the basement. They were also kind enough to leave behind their bondage gear, including a rubber gimp suit which is just hanging around in the attic waiting to be used.

The neighbors are no picnic either. Right next door is Constance (Jessica Lange), an aging southern belle with aging attitudes about the world, a doggie day car service and a disturbing relationship with her daughter Addie who is mentally challenged and has a bizarre fixation with the house. Constance is glorious and got all the good dialogue in the pilot. My favorite of her quotes involved her “flashing her green pasture for all to see”. Her daughter is a mess though and I have no doubt will be up to no good before this is over. Another scene stealer arrived in the form of Moira the housekeeper who comes with the house and who appears to each of the Harmon’s in a different form. Vivien and Violet see her as an old woman with a bad eye (Frances Conroy) while Ben sees her as a hot young slutty maid (Alexandra Breckenridge) who’d rather polish her lady parts than the silver.

This first episode was a bit disjointed to be honest. I suspect the jarring changes in tone were an attempt to unsettle the viewer and it succeeded to the point of almost turning me off. Violet’s encounters at school with a shrieking trio of Mean Girls who attack her after the most minor of teenage infractions is so stunningly out of place and over the top that it was almost silly. Violet’s revenge with the help of her dad’s new patient Tate (Evan Peters) was equally bizarre and confusing. Tate is a whole can of messy worms as well. He’s in therapy because he dreams of murdering his classmates and his penchant for self-mutilation helps him forge a bond with the impressionable and possibly horny Violet .By the end I was questioning which of these characters was real and which ones were ghosts. I’m sure that is the whole point. The bad news here is that while I found American Horror Story to be visually stunning and the characters compelling there wasn’t much scary about it. To be fair, I watch horror movies a lot and I could be desensitized to a lot of what makes the average person hide under the blankets. It had some great moments and Team Glee did manage to crank up the creepy to a respectable level. We’ll see how it plays out.

The good news is that the acting is top notch. Connie Britton and Dylan McDermott are wonderful. Their argument about his infidelity and her miscarriage was heartbreaking to watch. It does lead to a moment of reconciliatory sex on the floor which opens the door for the Rubber Man to appear later and impregnate Vivien with the house’s demon spawn. Why does the house want her pregnant? Does it have something to do with the killer toddler in the basement? Who knows? The house certainly seems to have an agenda. Former tenant Larry (Denis O’Hare) has definite opinions about it and tries to warn Ben to get his family out before he burns them alive like he did. But was he a ghost too? It’s hard to tell at this point.

American Horror Story is certainly worth a look. It is a nice departure from the cop procedurals and Who is Dancing with Who shows that dominate the networks lately. The first hour seemed to be trying a little too hard but I think when it finds its legs the tone will level out a bit. Tune in to FX Wednesdays at 10pm to check it out, but make sure the kids are in bed. Remember this is cable so while you may get a glimpse of Dylan McDermott’s ass (long glimpses even) you also might see something gross. Just a friendly warning.