The fragile thread that holds the colorful quilt of drama we call Desperate Housewives together has begun to slowly unravel and we are only five episodes into the final season. Friendships are strained, marriages collapsing and it is only a matter of time before that dead body in the woods is dug up, and by matter of time I mean just in time for November sweeps.

Lynette (Felicity Huffman) and Tom (Doug Savant) have finally started couples counseling and it is going just about as well as you would expect it to be with Tom doing alot of pointing and eye rolling and Lynette making inflamatory noises in his general direction. At least they have established that they both should be dating and/or sleeping with other people so they can be 100% sure they can’t find anything better and Lynette is not one to take a challenge lying down…well maybe except this one. After a disasterous attempt at online dating Renee talks her into a night of bar hopping. This is also a generally terrible idea until Lynette meets a handsome divorced father of two (Richard Ruccolo) whom she mistakes for the valet. After some small talk she finds herself liplocked with the hunk back at his apartment, but freaks out and bolts after she drops her wedding ring.

Gabby’s (Eva Longoria) first big job as the president of the PTA isn’t going so well either. When she’s late for a meeting because of a hot-stone massage that ran long the ladies with “normal lives” are not amused. And Gabby, more out of touch than ever before buys them with a visit from her beauty squad which just makes things worse. Meanwhile Carlos is at home getting drunk because he’s sad about the man he killed and Mike (James Denton) won’t let him talk to his BFF Susan about it anymore. I have to say I was surprised by Mike’s reaction here after being so supportive of Susan. Seems like he could appreciate the benefits of being able to talk to someone about it and his assuming that Susan doesn’t want the same is no doubt leading her down a road to a big nasty breakdown…probably involving nudity and or more internet porn. Sorry I got sidetracked a bit. Gabby calls Carlos to help finish setting up for the big PTA Teacher Appreciation Night and he arrives all drunk and tragic which surprisingly gains her the sympathy and support of the other PTA ladies.

Also a bit tragic but not drunk…yet…is Bree (Marcia Cross) who is feeling very unholy and less than Godlike now that she has participated in the cover up of a murder. To regain her status as the moral compass of Wisteria Lane she reaches out to neighbor and Aussie hunk Ben to offer her help at the homeless shelter. It isn’t long before the sad state of the meals being served to the poor and downtrodden has Bree whipping up one of her famous bisques. When the news gets out local hipsters and food bloggers start showing up instead, because food bloggers and hipsters would totally go hang out at a homeless shelter with their laptops right? Reverend Sykes guilts her into kicking her adoring fans out and she does so with a heartwrenching speech about the homeless which prompts Ben to seek her help convincing the city council to let him build his low income housing project. I’ll give you two guesses where he wants to build it. We’ll come back to that.

Oh Susan (Teri Hatcher), how long has it been since we’ve seen you naked? It feels like only last season when you barely had any clothes on ever so this week when art genius Andre Zeller told the class he wanted them to paint in the nude it was like coming home again. And to think the whole thing was your fault because you got the giggles while painting a naked man. Imagine that! At least you piqued the interest of Zeller enough for him to come begging you to rejoin the class after your dramatic exit. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that very soon we’ll see a dramatic painting expunged from the corrupt and tormented depths of your soul depicting a dead body in the woods surrounded by four weeping housewives and one annoyed looking Renee. Am I close?

Next week is Halloween on Wisteria Lane and I’m betting our girls get a few more tricks than treats. Tune in Sunday at 9pm on ABC to find out.