Okay FX we need to talk. As a big horror fan I really wanted American Horror Story to be something special. I longed for a show that had me glued to the television quivering with fear each week but it just isn’t working out. What gives? The cast is great and the haunted house is big and spooky when lit a certain way, but last night’s episode “Murder House” was just a train wreck. I don’t mean the sort of big awesome Super 8 train wreck that makes you go “whoa” but a slow and deliberate derailment where you can see the school bus full of orphans holding kittens stuck on the tracks but can’t do anything to help them.
“Murder House” started out okay. The back-story of the doctor sewing bat wings on dead pigs while the theme from Bram Stoker’s Dracula blasts in his basement that then turned to cheap abortions to support his shrieking wife was creepy enough but then Tara’s crazy drunk mom from True Blood showed up in Ben’s office and things started going awry. I get that Moira drugged him but why? It made no sense to me at all. Is she trying to destroy his career because she hates men who cheat based on the fact that she herself slept with Constance’s husband? At least we know now why Connie put a bullet through her face. Old Moira just wants to move into the light so why is she hanging around? Is Slutty Moira keeping her there? Is this her purgatory for being a lonely and horny maid? Why? Why? Why?
Ben (Dylan McDermott) certainly doesn’t need Moira’s help destroying his life. He has already lied to Viv about the nature of his trip back to Boston and lied about their money situation which helps explain why they can’t just up and move out of the house. And Viv has made it very clear if she catches him lying again she’s outtie. The situation gets worse when Hayden shows up at his house with the news she has decided to keep the baby. As soon as those words came out of her mouth I said “she’s dead” and then WHAM…Larry the Burn Guy (Denis O’Hare) relocated her face with a shovel and they buried the poor girl in the hole that Ben was randomly digging earlier in the episode. But even that was no surprise. When Larry was hitting Ben up for money before Hayden showed up I thought “he’s gonna end up doing Ben a big favor and then blackmailing him for the cash”. All this has been done before!
At least Vivien (Connie Britton) seems to have some sense about her. She is all about getting the hell out and actually took Violet out to look at some apartments. But Violet isn’t too keen on moving and threatens to run away if she is forced to leave the house. I’m guessing she under Tate’s spell and with his pouty lips and surly demeanor who wouldn’t be? I think I understand the root of her irrational reaction but the writers are not doing a very good job connecting the dots. And speaking of Tate (Evan Peters) I still think he is Constance’s dead son. Tate is the least of Viv’s worries though. Between their money woes, the Murder House tour and her doctor’s orders that she not move while pregnant it is looking less likely she’ll get the family out before her demon spawn is born. She seemed awfully pleased with the gazebo Ben bought and erected to cover Hayden’s grave at the end though despite their money troubles. I guess she was hoping it would help sell the place.
I’ve heard American Horror Story compared to The Amityville Horror if it had been directed by David Lynch, but I think that is too much praise for this mess. I’ve seen scarier episodes of Supernatural and I bailed on that show years ago. I can’t figure out what is going on with American Horror Story half the time because the world is so inconsistent. Why does the dead wife of the creepy doctor show up with a gunshot wound to her head but no one can see the hole in Moira’s head? And why can everyone see some of the ghosts but others see none of them, but the ones that see them don’t think anything of it? The story may be a poorly executed rehash of a dozen other stories but the stellar acting by Connie Britton and Jessica Lange makes it somewhat compelling. I say somewhat because my attention started drifting along about the time Ben woke up in the front yard with blood on his hands. I found Angry Birds to be more interesting after that but I think I’ll give it another couple of episodes before I decide whether or not to bail on this one. Halloween is usually a promising time for scary shows so we’ll see what Ryan and Brad pull out of their hats for this one.
