“Putting It All Together” brought some new blood into the writer’s room on Desperate Housewives and I think it is safe to say that the final season is NOT the time to be handing the reigns to newbies.
Creepy Cop Chuck Vance is all up in my girls business as he tries to figure out exactly how our desperate foursome is involved in the disappearance of that pedophile from Oklahoma who used to be on Ugly Betty. Without a body all he has to go on is his desire to make Bree cry for daring to break up with his crazy ass. He realizes pretty quickly that the fastest way to get Bree whipped up into a frenzy of angsty baking is to threaten her friends so he brings them all in for questioning.
Good old Susan (Teri Hatcher) can barely keep herself together and decides she and Mike (James Denton) should leave town immediately because that wouldn’t look suspicious at all. And since they are short on cash she hits up Felix Bergman (Leslie Jordan) for the money she is due for selling her confessional artwork. Felix has other ideas though and tells Susan she should move to New York so she can nurture her talent. Susan in New York? I smell a spin off! (kidding)
Gabby (Eva Longoria) is an old pro at lying and handles the questioning just fine, meaning Chuck sees right through her and soon figures out Alejandro is her stepfather. She cooks up a lie about Carlos having an affair and is faced with getting Carlos on board before Chuck questions him. This leads to a not-very-humorous adventure at the local rehab involving a gay male nurse reading The Help and a distraught family dealing with an alcoholic teen.
Lynette (Felicity Huffman) handles Chuck the best of them all but then has to race to catch Tom (Doug Savant) before he leaves on vacation with his new lady friend (Andrea Parker). Seems she is worried about being incarcerated and leaving the kids with nowhere to go. Tom agrees but is not happy about it.
Finally we have Bree (Marcia Cross) who is fast becoming a train wreck of woe and self pity. Left with nothing to comfort her but a bottle of Chardonnay she roams Fairview looking for friends in low places and finally winds up checking into a seedy motel with a pistol where she waxes poetic with the ghost of Mary Alice Young. We are left wondering if Bree will follow in her friend’s footsteps…until the previews for next week show us that she does not. Bad move ABC.
Renee (Vanessa Williams) finds herself once again discarded like an old sock and is reduced to rummaging through the gutters and drain pipes along Wisteria Lane searching for a worth storyline to get her through the holidays. What she finds is more insecurity about Ben that leads to a very uncomfortable conversation with Mrs. McKlesky about threesomes. When is someone going to tell her about all the drama she is missing out on? At least it would give her something to do.
This week rounds out with Ben getting run over in the street just as he is about to open an official investigation into Alejandro’s disappearance and from the looks of the previews the new mystery of the week will be who was behind the wheel? Was it Carlos who wants to save himself and his wife from jail? Was it off-the-wagon Bree who wants her friends back and was seen leaving her house late that evening? My money is on Chuck’s crazy ex-wife and her impeccable timing.
A couple of things bothered me about this latest episode of Desperate Housewives, not the least of which is that fact that they expect me to believe that Gabby Solis uses a six year-old cell phone. Mary Cherry teased us that this final season would take the show full circle and focus on the Mary Alice story. Besides the note left in Bree’s mailbox that hasn’t really happened. But the season is barely half over so there is still time for some redemption.
Desperate Housewives is on winter hiatus until January 8th.