We’ll quickly get past the fact you’re not excused for having missed last night’s Necessary Roughness Season 2 premiere on USA Network, because there’s too much juice to share to waste time with it. But hey, your loss. Since I’m the god fairy of all TV hotness that’s related to Necessary Roughness (and Suits and my TV husband Michael Vartan), I’m here to describe to you what you missed out on. Which guarantees you’ll work that DVR within a sec you have finished reading this, because people, Necessary Roughness last night was THAT good.
So. There was a hot tub. With TK (the incredibly talented, and let’s face it, ridiculously handsome, Mehcad Brooks). And three girls. In TK’s apartment. Oh wait actually it’s KT, King Terrence, because apparently he’s reborn, and, to illustrate the concept, he walked out of that tub like the Botticelli Venus. In case you’re not familiar with Italian early Renaissance painter Botticelli, the beautiful Venus seems to spring out of water in the painting that represents her birth… and since she is the Goddess of Beauty, she isn’t exactly wearing clothes. So TK imitated her while walking out of the tub and being all reborn KT. Dr. Dani (Golden Globe-nominated Callie Thorne, wonderful as usual) looked away, while Matty D. (the other ridiculously handsome man on the show, Marc Blucas) was all “T! HEY! T! That’s MY ass you’re hugging there! I am confident and all, but I’d rather not see you up close and personal with my girlfriend while you’re wearing nothing!”.
A quick survey I did on Twitter curiously revealed that people weren’t willing to do the same as Dr. D. and look away. How odd. Not.
But let’s start from the beginning. I’m sorry, that tub scene traumatized me. In a really, really good way. Ahem.
So, last season ended with a bang. Literally. The final scene had Nico (the charming Scott Cohen) knock on Dr D’s door, interrupting a MUCH AWAITED steamy scene (yes I still have NOT forgiven you for it, Nico) between Dr. D. and Matty D. , to inform them that TK had been shot while out at a club with girlfriend Vivica (who, TK told us, has been put in the “Blue bin. To recycle.” this season). This season picked up from that moment, with Dr. D., Matty D. and Nico rushing to the hospital where Coach Purnell (Gregory Alan Williams) was already pacing, walking up and down, not knowing whether TK would make it or not. In perfect TK fashion, our hero was dead for a couple of seconds there in the O.R., only to come back from the dead and utter the immortal words “Ain’t dead yet… bitches!” in front of a very relieved Dr. D and a laughing Matty D. as well as Coach Purnell and Nico. Of course TK managed to say that while he was barely conscious, being wheeled away by doctors. Ah, how I missed you, TK!
Six weeks later we find… Marc Blucas’s bicep in all its glory, as Matt is rolling Dr. D. closer to him in bed. Excuse me while I swoon again. That man has this quiet, yet raw and lively sexy going for him, that just makes me hate the Necessary Roughness writers… because such men never knock on my door! Anyway. Matty D. needs to get himself a little sumptin’ sumptin’ (hey, he said it! go watch!) before going to work, and Dr D. is more than glad to oblige… except of freaking course the two kids with the worst freaking timing in the world once again burst into the house, when they’re upposed to go directly to school from their dad’s instead. Cue panic attack for Dr. D. to be caught “in flagrante delicto” with her boyfriend, that the kids aren’t “aware” of yet. But Matty D. is sly as a fox and he always parks a block away, just in case… so Dr D. calls him a genius and runs to the kitchen to shoo away Ray J (Patrick Johnson, oh he’s so cute!) and Lindsay (Hannah Marks, also so cute) before her secret boyfriend is not so secret anymore. Plus side? “On the other hand, sneaking around… is hot!” says Matt as he grabs her, and she is just about ready to take off that shirt he just put on, as she kisses him sexily. But Coach Purnell makes that phone ring, and Matt has got to go to the meeting and ONCE AGAIN we don’t get the fully hot scene. Producers, listen to me. This hot scene in full, with Matty D. and Dr. D., better happen sooner rather than later, or there will be hell to pay. CLEAR? Italian woman. Angry. You don’t want to deal with that. Right? Good.
It’s clarified that this hot business between Dr. D. and Matty D. has been going on for the past six weeks of the off-season, but Dr. D. doesn’t want to introduce the perfect man to the kids unless he is a “permanent fixture”. (Which I confide should happen quite soon, as no sane woman would let such a man go away. EVER.). When she meets with her divorce lawyer, Dr. D. is informed that she may owe $87,000 in back taxes, courtesy of her ex husband who is, and I quote Dr. D., a “never ending stream of dark flowing poop”. Meantime, at the Hawks training facility, things are going from bad to worse as the owners of the team, the Pittmans, have indeed decided to divorce, which means assets are to be divided amongst them and control of the team is up for grabs. Dr. D. quickly inquires with Nico about the fuss, and also asks whether, you know, he confessed to Marshall Pittman that he was dancing the horizontal mambo with his wife Gabrielle? Nico replies there are bigger fish to fry given what’s going on.
Coach Purnell is fuming as journalists are surrounding him asking nosy and stupid questions, and he informs them he missed them… “like I missed my annual prostate exam!”. I swear Purnell has the best one-liners on the show. And the most politically incorrect ones. When Dr. D. says “good morning” his answer is “name ONE good thing about it.” Dr. D. is all “Oh, I can name quite a few that were about to happen right in my bed… until YOU ruined it with your urgent work meeting!”. Except not. She just looks at him resigned and follows him into his office. But the first line would have been preferable! At that point, Coach Purnell orders her and Matt to go check on TK, and find out whether he’s gonna play again or not, because after his rehab in Miami advised by his agent Rob Maroney (helloooo Rob Estes! It’s always a pleasure to have you on my TV), he’s refused to answer calls or show up at the Hawks headquarters, let alone train. Meantime, Nico is called away after receiving a 911 text from Marshall Pittman’s daughter, Juliette. (Nico thought it was his daughter, but she isn’t, yet he’s compelled to save her every time she calls.) Pittman’s lawyer informs Nico he shouldn’t try to help Juliette as Marshall doesn’t want him to, but Nico can’t help it. He also informs Nico that “big changes are coming”, and when Nico asks what kind of changes his cryptic answer is “hope for the best, prepare for the worst.” Oh good, sounds like mayhem is ahead.
We now find ourselves with Dr. D. and Matty D. banging on TK’s door, only to be met by a weird dude who introduces them to TK and three girls, IN THE HOT TUB. Cue what I described at the beginning. Do we need to go over that again? Didn’t think so, I know you haven’t read a word of the rest, because it’s impossible to get that imagery out of one’s head once you’ve been made privy to the details.
So, next, fully clothed TK (yes, no nakedness) is in Dr. D.’s office, discussing the hows and whys of his shooting. Or rather, not facing the situation at all and claiming he’s fine and this shooting was a blessing because he is now reborn. He knows what the earth is thinking, he knows what the squirrels are thinking. But he isn’t crazy. “This temple is clean, baby!” TK says. And he’s ready to receive his public in style. Dun dun dun… PTSD is waiting right around the corner! Dr.D. is now officially worried. Back at the Hawks facility, Maroney is informing Coach Purnell, Matt and Dr. D. that he and TK have a few ideas on how he should make his entrance at the fan convention on Friday. Dr. D. thinks this is a really, really bad idea as PTSD is about to present itself and TK is in no shape to be at public events, given the trauma he underwent. Matt immediately backs her, saying she’s the expert and he’ll defer to her opinion. And, shocker, Coach Purnell immediately backs her, too. So no grand entrance for TK. Except really hot, but also major asshat agent informs them he’s gonna go to the GM’s office, to fight their decision and have TK be the star of the fan convention.
Back at Dr. D.’s home of luuurve, Ray J is busy putting the moves on his tutor, a cute girl named Olivia, who is trying to help him with his SATs. To cut a long story short, first she rebuffs his advances, then Ray J calls her a smartass (nope Ray J, wrong technique, ask TK how to land the ladies), then she leaves, then she comes back to get her check. At that point, as they agree on older professor tutor spitting when she talks, they decide to swap some spit of their own… and take it to Ray J’s bedroom. Meanwhile, Dr. D. is busy in a meeting as she’s being audited by the IRS, in the person of a chubby, nice fella who eats biscotti and candy incessantly while reviewing her files. Turns out a couple of years are missing, and Dr. D. ends up putting all of the documents together at night, and then baking biscotti to soften nice chubby dude up at 2 a.m., all the while talking to Lindsay’s new fish, Mr. Fishy. I’m not kidding you, it’s what happened.
At the Hawks facility, TK is putting together a choreography with the TKettes (yes, his own cheerleaders), having some spelling problems with the name King. Uhm, yeah, you watch, it’s true. He says “Diddy would never put up with this!” as his agent Maroney arrives and informs him that Dr. D., Matty D. and Coach Purnell are all against him appearing at the fan convention. I love Rob Estes, but BOY is this character difficult to like! Anyway, this prompts TK to go over to Dr. D.’s, yell at her, and tell her he’s basically had it with her, because he trusted her and now she’s trying to prevent him from being with his fans. And he’s fine, and he’s had a Near Death Experience and came back roaring. “Bitches can’t kill me with a couple of slugs, why is that so hard for you to get!”, he yells. “I’m from the ‘hood, people get shot, I’m not crying!”. Gangsta TK is back y’all. “I’m going to that convention, ain’t no two ways about that.” Yep, been there, done that, but it’s never enough up and downs with TK! By the way, just like in many other occasions, Mehcad Brooks is magnificent in this scene. He can switch from gangsta TK to emotional TK in a second, and TK’s roller-coaster wouldn’t be nearly as good or as entertaining if it wasn’t for Mr. Brooks and his talent, and the humanity he pours into the character. Following TK’s outburst at Dr. D., we see him doing a radio interview while training at his house. Oh yeah, I said training. The man is shirtless in all his glorious hotness. Just so they make sure the female audience doesn’t lose track of the story by averting eyes from the TV screen. OR DOES actually, because who thinks or follows dialogue while looking at that?!
Anyway, TK freaks out and thinks about his shooter when a weight falls down on the floor, producing a sudden “boom” noise, which obviously indicates the PTSD is now in full swing. And he’s about to go to the fan convention. Uh-oh. Also, other major uh-oh, one third of the staff of the Hawks is being fired, effective immediately. Apparently Pittman is in a mountain of debt, and rich of assets but short of cash, which means BIG cuts for the Hawks, Matt explains to Dr. D. while doing all sorts of sexy things to your three-button navy blue long-sleeved T-shirt. Coach Purnell explains “overnight, we’ve gone from playoff team to paupers!”. Which means they must do what the GM office says, and that TK WILL show up at the fan convention and have his big nice number. Whoops.
Nico is meantime busy tracking down Juliette, and finds and grounds a kid who tells him he’s been contacted to sell sleeping pills to her. Not sure why I’m specifying this but it’s just to make you understand what Nico was busy with, and it ties with what happens at the end of the episode.
At this point, Dr. D. goes to meet with chubby nice fella of the IRS, armed with her biscotti, and as they chew them up in bliss, she hopes the review of the documents will be more in her favor. And all is going well until… the hazelnuts he is allergic to ruin the party. Nice chubby fella almost dies, has to inject himself immediately in order to counteract the allergy, and Dr. D sees her third naked man of the day. Overload, much? Especially since, well, this one wasn’t really needed? But, one MORE naked man awaits her, because when she gets home, and looks for Ray J? She doesn’t knock on his door before opening it and… surpriiiiiseee! There he is, having sex with Olivia the cute tutor in his bed! There has to be more love for knocking on doors in this world. Major fight ensues, with Ray J claiming he’s entitled to his privacy. Whoa, you got some guts dude, I’d NEVER even have the ability to talk if my anyone in my family, let alone my mother, caught me in the act. I’d be too busy dying of embarrassment. Anyhow, Ray J storms off and Dr. D. is left there, frustrated.
Time for the fan convention y’all! TK is sweating while in the make-up chair, which is never a good sign especially if the make-up artist is the one who notices it. His hot and asshat agent walks in and they do the usual “we’re cool, we’re dudes” numbers, as TK prepares to go on stage. Outside on the floor where fans are going wild, Matt senses something is up with Dr. D. and she explains she is being audited by the IRS because of what her ex husband did. Matt asks her why she didn’t tell him and she replies she didn’t want to burden him, and she’s not gonna drag him down with her. Matty D. in all his absolute sexy awesomeness replies “Not likely. Certified lifeguard”. Lord Almighty, could this man be more perfect? Don’t think so. Excuse me while I swoon.
While I’m still busy swooning, we get a hilarious TK scene on stage as he’s doing some dance moooooves looking all “I’m the star.” Complete with smoke and hot girls, of course. And he’s doing his thing and making the fans cheer, and all that. Except, he hallucinates and sees shooter dude in the crowd and raises his shirt on the back to reveal… A GUN?!?!? Yeah, ours truly went on stage armed and fabulous. Thankfully, Nico prevents him from moving with the gun any further and shooting bullets at his hallucination. Nico then brings TK backstage. Rob the agent apologizes because he did not see him coming, Matt shuts him up by saying “no, but someone else did. And she was pretty damn vocal about it.” Oh my God, he did it. He just became more perfect. Damn! So, Dr.D. explains to TK that she once almost drowned and couldn’t reach the hand right in front of her that was helping her… and tells him that whenever he’s ready to reach for that hand, she’ll be right there.
Nico finds out that Juliette is right there in the hotel of the fan convention and rushes to her room. Except she’s turned bald and older… and it’s Marshall himself! Nico is ready to strangle him (literally), he grabs him and shakes him some and tells him that making him believe his daughter was almost dead was twisted, even for him. Marshall replies that the feeling he has right now? That’s how he felt when he found out Nico was screwing his wife. So “now we’re even. Almost.” WHOA THERE, comeback line! And thus endeth the episode. And I don’t know about you, but boy, am I ready for more!
Haven’t seen it yet? I trust the above will make you run straight to your DVR. Right? It’s been a pleasure as always, darlings, and stay assured we’ll be back next week for a new recap!
Catch an all new Necessary Roughness episode next Wednesday at 10 p.m. on USA Network!