It is almost moving day at Southfork and Bobby (Patrick Duffy) has left his poor wife Ann (Brenda Strong) to not only pack that entire house into six boxes but also plan the last barbecue on the ranch…the “Last Hurrah” if you will. “Everyone who has ever set foot on Southfork” will be there and it’s up to Ann and Carmen to throw it together on this week’s episode of Dallas. You can bet this means a cameo or two from some old cast members. I get a little spoilerish below so proceed at your own risk.
All the alliances and plots that we saw in the premiere are starting to fall apart. JR (Larry Hagman) took the snow globe that contains Dallas and shook it. Now it is anybody’s guess where the flakes will fall, and by flake I do mean The Pill-popper Formerly Known as Marta. John Ross is about to learn just how hot that mess is now that he has betrayed her by spraying his hose at Elena. Her real name is Veronica and she is…prepare yourself for it…BIPOLAR! (cue music). This means of course that she could go off at any moment because we all know bipolar people are CRAZY and untreatable! Expect to see her on the roof of the barn with a rifle soon.
JR’s return to his old self from the near comatose state we first saw him in just two episodes ago is a wonder to behold. What was he doing up in that nursing home anyway? Had someone removed his batteries? He looked like he was one bowl of Jello away from death until John Ross (Josh Henderson) walked in and told him Bobby was selling Southfork. Now he’s a steaming locomotive ready to take back his birthright and step on whoever he has to on the way. That’s how I like my JR. I really enjoyed the moment he shared with Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) in the dining room over coffee. The only thing missing there were some shoulder pads and some bourbon. Why was she asking John Ross if JR had really changed? Is she looking for a way back into that family now that Ewing Oil is on its way back to the top? If she runs for governor it could be very convenient for JR. He’ll have to deal with Cliff first.
John Ross’s attempt to deal with the blackmailing lawyer Mitch Lobell didn’t go so well and JR sends him off to track down Lobell’s son Rick (Jason London) and lure him back to his drug taking whoring ways. Taking a cue from his daddy John Ross tries to blackmail Rebecca (Julie Gonzalo) into doing it by threatening to tell Christopher her dirty secret. But Rebecca is a gentle flower and can’t go through with it. The verdict is still out on Rebecca for me. I can’t decide what to make of her. Thankfully for John Ross his second girlfriend Veronica is unstable enough to do what it takes. Poor Rick Lobell.
John Ross isn’t the only Ewing with two women enchanted by his charms. Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) is torn between two lovers and feeling like a fool after finding out that Elena (Jordana Brewster) dumped him based on an email he thinks John Ross sent. John Ross thinks Rebecca sent it and has the IP address to prove it, but she is denying it of course. On top of all that he has that methane project he’s working on, and I don’t mean the one he’ll start after he eats all that barbecue and baked beans. It was nice to see Bobby step up and offer some sound advice on love to his son even while elbow deep in a cow’s uterus. Way to multitask Bobby. You’ll need those skills when JR swoops in to take Southfork out from under you. At least Ann found Miss Ellie’s silver for you. I’d check it before you leave though. JR probably lifted a knife or two from that box when no one was looking. Unfortunately Christopher interpreted his father’s advice to “make a choice” as “be a complete douchebag to Elena” and tried to pay her off for helping him with his methane problem before sending her back to the kitchen. I suspect that little stunt will come back to haunt him.
So the big barbecue to bid one last farewell to Southfork turned out to be a bit of a letdown. I hate it that Ray and Lucy have been reduced to mere party guests so far. I know we have to make room for the new generation but I’d love to see some vintage Lucy and find out what she’s been up to. John Ross invited Elena to be his date and then showed up dressed as Han Solo. And before he got a chance to tell Christopher what his wife has been up to Rebecca stepped in and started to spill the beans…about something. We aren’t sure exactly what she says or who she blames for the email. Do you think it was really her that sent it? Or was it her brother Tommy? We’ll have to wait till next week to find out.