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February 23, 2012

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REVIEW: Glee “On My Way”

February 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

This week’s Glee reminded me of all this terrible after school specials from the 1970s only this was so much worse. All the current hot-button issues facing todays teens were beat over the head with baseball bats and smeared on stale melba toast. Teen suicide? Check! Texting while driving? Check! Vicious gay bullying? Check! Foolish and lovestruck kids getting married too young? Check! Geriatric pregnancy? Check! And it was awful. Really awful. So very very awful. I’ll try to be brief.

It goes without saying that the messages Glee tried so very hard to get across this week are important ones. I’ve suspected Dave Karofsky was headed for some sort of dramatic unravelling for a while now. I figured he’d get gay bashed or something to be honest and Kurt would help nurse him back to help. I was partially right. He did get bullied by his teammmates which he sort of had coming I guess. Wait, I take that back. No one ever has that coming. Still, I could see why they took him there. But when he laid his suit on the bed and pulled out his belt while Blaine sang that song about cough suppressants I came very close to turning the television off. How could they get this so wrong?

Glee has handled drama pretty well in the past. The whole Kurt/Dave bully storyline was masterfully done. But this was just horrid. That being said, Max Adler and Chris Colfer did a wonderful job with what they were given to work with. Their scene together in the hospital was the best thing about the whole episode and I’m very glad that Dave survived his suicide attempt.

And while we are on the subject of bullys…can we just be done with Sebastian? I get that the show needs a villain now that Sue is knocked up and overrun with hormonal changes but Sebastian is hardly worthy. He’s a boring villain and a boring singer, and now he’s not even a villain any more. After threatening to upload fake photoshop porn of Finn and sending Dave over the edge with his Liberace comment at Scandals he has seen the error of his ways and now wants to raise money for the Born This Way Foundation. Bravo for some growth there but wow…just bad writing folks. Bad bad bad.

The one happy note this week was the wedding of Finnchel. After Dave’s brush with death the New Directions are faced with their mortality and after a poor attempt by Mr. Schue to inspire them with peanut butter Rachel decides she no longer wants to wait to be Mrs. Finn Hudson. They decided to tie the knot at City Hall after Regionals and they hope everyone will be there. Sure their parents are still against it and as they gather before the ceremony Rachel’s dads come up with some clever ideas about how to pull the plug. Meanwhile Quinn is racing home to get the bridesmaids dress she didn’t have immediately before Regionals when she hadn’t made up her mind about attending and she gets distracted by her cell phone and happy thoughts about her triumphant return to the Cheerios and kicking ass at Yale. You can guess what happens next.

Right. Okay then. Glee…you are on thin ice. VERY THIN. This mid-season finale was just repulsive in every way. Even the music was bad…or maybe I was just so mad I didn’t notice it.

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REVIEW: Glee “Heart”

February 15, 2012 By 3 Comments

Who would have thought that Rachel’s two dads could breathe so much wonderful gay life into the gayest show on television? Glee has really been struggling this year. The music has been boring for the most part and at least half the time I find myself not caring at all about what’s going on. There have been bright spots and Rachel’s dads are by far the brightest.

This week was all about Finnchel’s upcoming nuptials and how most rational people don’t think it’s a good idea. Imagine their surprise when Rachel’s dads Leroy (Brian Stokes Mitchell) and Hiram (Jeff Goldblum) as well as the Hudson-Hummels embrace the idea fully and join together for a family dinner to celebrate. Too good to be true right? Right. The whole thing is a ruse to force Finn (Cory Monteith) and Rachel (Lea Michele) to face the realities of what they are about to do. I really loved the conversation between Hiram and Burt about lube! After dessert they sent Finnchel upstairs for the “teenage lovemaking”. It was a clever ruse on their part, and we all know the gays are known for their cleverness, but the whole thing backfired and now Finn and Rachel are even more intent on heading to the Chapel of Love.

So what else went on? Mercedes (Amber Riley) gave Sam (Chord Overstreet) and Shane the boot and feels so guilt about her whoring ways that she formed The God Squad. Her little chastity club consists of Quinn (Dianna Agron), Sam and new kid/Glee Project alum Teenage Jesus (Samuel Larson). He wears sandals and looks like he might smell bad, but he has a really nice voice. The God Squad decides to make some extra cash singing Valentines messages to the students of McKinley. They find their first customer in Finn who orders a big courtyard production of Stereo Hearts for Rachel. Mercedes delivers her own Valentine message with a wonderful and remarkably poignant version of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You“. Rest in peace Whitney!

Also looking for some love is Santana (Naya Rivera) who finds her attempts to show Brittany (Heather Morris) any affection thwarted by Principal Figgins. The moment he bellowed “TEENAGE LESBIANS!” in the school hallway was my favorite of the show I think. I plan to wander the halls of my office today shouting it as well. Santana eventually hits up the God Squad for a song and Brittany gets her Valentine song, a mashup of “Cherish” by The Association and “Cherish” by Madonna.

Rory (Damian McGinty) got some air time this week as he had a montage-battle with Artie (Kevin McHale) for the affections of the tonally challenged Sugar (Vanessa Lengies). Rory’s speaking voice and Rory’s singing voice seem to come from two different people and I like both of them. He won Sugar’s attention with a soulful, puppy-eyed version of Michael Buble’s “Home” but it looks like he might have lied just a teeny bit about being sent back to Ireland. Bad form Rory. Bad form indeed. Artie’s “Let Me Love You” was a treat as well.

The big surprise this week was the reveal of Kurt’s secret admirer. He had assumed it was Blaine the whole time even though everyone with opposable thumbs knew it wasn’t. I’ll admit I was stumped by who the man in the monkey suit might be until he removed the mask and I was like “OF COURSE!”. I suspected Dave Karofsky (Max Adler) had developed tinglings in his boxers for Kurt when they ran into each other at that tacky gay bar a few episodes back and it was nice to see Dave again. Is he looking cuter than before or is it just me? Anyway, Kurt shot him down as nicely as he could but Dave didn’t take it well. I suspect this isn’t the last we’ll hear of it. Blaine finally did show up to sing “Love Shack” with the crew. Maybe he’s back from his Broadway hiatus now.

Between Rachel’s gay dads, Karofsky’s baby steps out of the closet, Santana’s stand against double standards for hallway smooching and The God Squad’s debate on homosexuality and religion this could have easily been preachy episode. Instead I thought it was all handled rather well. Hiram and Leroy were not over the top as they easily could have been. I worried that these two would end up being more like Armand and Albert Goldman from The Birdcage and that would have been a tad too cliche. The music was pretty good too with Mercedes’ Whitney number being the stand out for me. Mike and Tina’s “L.O.V.E” was very nice too.

Next week is the winter finale and REGIONALS! Who do you think will win? McKinley or Dalton?

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REVIEW: Glee “The Spanish Teacher”

February 8, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Hola Gleeks! Nothing makes me happier than entitled American people butchering other languages resulting in hilarious nonsensical translations and this week’s Glee was mui completo of it. When a tenure position opens up at McKinley the race is on to secure the coveted position. Sadly Mr. Schue is on the bottom of the pile due to his complete and utter lack of a grasp on the spanish language which happens to be the subject he teaches. Oh had you forgotten that too? I thought I was the only one. Seems to me that he spends 100% of his time in the choir room but I could be wrong. Anyway, he signs up for a night class to learn some Spanish and ends up meeting his Latin Fairy Godfather…David Martinez (Ricky Martin).

Before the cast names have stopped flashing on the screen Schue (Matthew Morrison) has invited David and his bon bon to sing for the Glee club and teach them what it means to sing with duende and spins a horrifying tale of a future where we all speak Spanish. Horror! Mr. Martinez puts the kids at ease immediately with his tight blue jeans and his white teeth and his rapidly oscilating tush as he reminds those of us who forgot he existed just how sexy he is. Do you really want it? Oh yes.

Meanwhile outside the choir room plot is happening and this week it involves Sue (Jane Lynch) and her dusty vagina. Seems she wants to fill it with a baby and she wants a few ounces of Mr. Schue’s baby gravy so the kid will have good hair. Sue seems to have calmed down a bit this year and I like it. That doesn’t mean that we don’t get the snappy one liners anymore. They just come mostly from the coach of the McKinley Guppies, Roz Washington (NeNe Leakes). Color me sorprendido but I actually dig NeNe as the sassy Roz. She may be the most annoying Real Housewife on television but get her away from Kim and Sheree and give her a script and she’s actually quite funny. And let’s not forget that when she enters a room she OWNS IT. Her delivery is a little stiff from time to time but she got all the good lines this week. Roz is making a move on Sue’s job and she’s relentless.

It wouldn’t be Glee without a hot mess of unresolved relationship drama and this week it was mostly about Mercedes (Amber Riley) trying to figure out if she really likes hot blond muscular trouty mouth Sam (Chord Overstreet) or that tank of a man she wanders the hall with. Emma (Jayma Mays) suggests they not speak for a week to determine their true feelings. I wonder if they’ll find another way to communicate? A way that involves music?

In other unresolved relationship drama news the word is out about Rachel (Lea Michele) and Finn’s (Cory Monteith) engagement and no one is happy about it. It’s Kurt (Chris Colfer) that throws the biggest monkey wrench in the works with his locker room pep talk so it’s anyone’s guess how that will play out. Will and Emma have a minor tiff after Will is a supreme douchebag to her, but in the end the make up nice and make kissy faces.

So how was the music? I’m glad you asked. Ricky Martin dominated this episode with two performances, “I’m Sexy and I Know It” and “La Isla Bonita” with Santana and both will find their way to my iPod soon. “Bonita” is probably my least favorite Madonna track but they killed it. I think it was Ricky’s oscillating tush that put it over the edge. Mercedes made her feelings for Trouty Mouth known with a Spanish version of Gloria Estefan’s “Don’t Wanna Lose You Now” and Sam returned the favor with “Bamboleo / Hero“. It was Mr. Schue’s horrific rendition of “A Little Less Conversation” while dressed as a matador that really made the hour special. Kudos to Santana for calling him out on his embarrassing stereotypes.

Despite the treasure trove of one-liners from NeNe Leakes this week my favorite quote goes to Coach Bieste who delivered managed to cleverly work in a reference to “her little Cooter” while discussing Emma’s “Taint Misbehavin” educational pamphlet about how to properly clean one’s genitals. Well played Bieste. Well played. Next week it is Valentines Day and I’m betting there will be some tears.

What say you Gleeks? Should Ricky Martin shake his bon bon across the choir room again this season or is he terminado?

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REVIEW: Pan Am “Secrets and Lies”

January 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Pan Am has emerged from the dark clouds of the holiday season and reminded us why we missed it so much to begin with. “Secrets and Lies” picked up in the aftermath of Kate’s (Kelli Garner) botched London mission during which she killed a very bad man with her big mean gun. Thankfully Anderson is taking the fall, but Kate will have to face a polygraph test before she can kiss the spy life goodbye.

We fell effortlessly back into flight with Ted (Michael Mosley) unsure of his new sexless relationship with socialite Amanda while Laura (Margot Robbie) continues to keep her growing love for him a secret. A dinner with his overbearing father pretty much seals Ted’s affection for Amanda after she puts the old man in his place and before the credits rolled Ted was asking Laura’s help picking out engagement rings. At least she has her new photography hobby to keep her busy. And Teddy is just so CUTE!

Also having love troubles is Maggie (Christina Ricci) who can’t seem to decide if she can date sexy Congressman Rawlings even though they disagree politically. She expresses her rage in a scathing article about the Congressman and his politics for the Village Voice but her reporter friend (also sexy) doesn’t think it’s good enough to publish. Maggie digs a little deeper into Rawlings and finds out sexy always wins. Shame that her article may now get published and ruin all that.

The big story this week though was the budding romance of Dean (Mike Vogel) and Colette (Karine Vanasse). Things seem perfect between the couple who are on the verge of revealing their love to their coworkers when Dean’s ex Bridgette reappears from exile to reclaim her love. Colette, being the perfect swan she is, tells him he has to go to her and resolve his feelings before they can move on knowing that Bridgette and her undercover ways might lure him back. Dean doesn’t want any part of it until Bridgette reveals that she works for MI6, a big no-no, and suddenly he’s swallowing her face as they disappear into her hotel room. Now I hate Dean and the plane he flew in on. I hope Colette pours hot coffee in his lap.

There are three episodes left before Pan Am takes a break again so keep watching! Let’s keep this show alive!

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REVIEW: Glee “Extraordinary Merry Christmas”

December 16, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The holidays have me busier than usual this year so I didn’t get a chance to polish my yule log and catch Glee’s “Extraordinary Merry Christmas” until later in the week. I can be a bit unfair to Christmas themed episodes due to the fact that I find Christmas music to be extraordinarily very tedious. Call me a Scrooge if you must but I did try very hard to not let my unmerry tendencies influence my enjoyment of this episode.

There was very little in the way of plot this week and based on what did seep through it was probably a good thing. It became obvious early on that Sue’s doctor has adjusted the dosage on her meds because she was so full of love and cheer that I expected her to ride down the street on the back of a reindeer throwing candy canes. I enjoy sweet Sue and wish we saw more of her. Long gone are the days when we were treated to heartwarming scenes between Sue and her sister. It’s time to give Sue a life outside of McKinley that does not involve being horrible to everyone.

This year her cause is bringing joy and cheer to the local homeless shelter and she enlists the help of New Directions to provide some Christmas music. The kids agree but quickly ditch Sue (Jane Lynch) in favor of local stardom and fame when offered their own basic cable Christmas special. And with a budget of $800 they manage to serve up a glossy 1960s Christmas full of lame (on purpose) jokes and lots of innuendo. The special-within-a-special was pretty fun actually and they could have salvaged the episode by taking us out of reality completely and devoting the entire hour to this black and white wonderland.

The episode was merry enough, and did remind me a bit of those terrible yet mesmerizing Christmas specials from my childhood that often featured unlikely duets such as Perry Como and Charo doing songs like “Have a Hoochie Coochie Holiday”. When thought of as just a standalone special it sort of works. But with all the lesbian drama and Sam (Chord Overstreet) being away from his family I think they really missed a chance to give us a heartfelt and emotional hour of television about the true meaning of the season. Instead we got a half-cocked sub plot about Rachel (Lea Michele) being selfish (SURPRISE) and learning that Christmas is about giving not receiving. YAWN. Give me Charlie Brown and his sad little tree any day over that mess.

The music was not awful, and that’s good because there was a lot of it. Mercedes (Amber Riley) kicked things off with “All I Want for Christmas Is You” and the songs came fast and furious, including “Blue Christmas” (Rory), “River” (Rachel) and the new track “Extraordinary Merry Christmas” (Blaine & Rachel). The title track was the best one of the lot actually. River was just painful but I think that’s because Tori Amos did that song at her Atlanta show back in November and well…sorry Rachel but she blew your maudlin warbling out of the water.

The TV special contained its own set of songs: “Let It Snow” (Blaine & Kurt), “My Favorite Things” (Mercedes, Rachel, Kurt & Blaine), “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” (Finn & Puck), “Christmas Wrapping” (The Cheerios) and “Do They Know It’s Christmas” (Everyone). None of them really stood out for me but I wasn’t wincing in pain either so let’s hear it for Christmas miracles.

That’s it for Glee in 2011. Let’s hope Ryan Murphy and team come back in 2012 with a fiery hot whirlwind of awesome episodes.

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REVIEW: Glee “Hold On To Sixteen”

December 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

It is Sectionals time on Glee! Again! And once again New Directions is woefully unprepared thanks to Rachel’s political shenanigans which landed her with a suspension. Never fear because Finn (Cory Monteith) has the answer and it begins with an S and rhymes with BAM! Thanks to Facebook Finn has tracked Trouty Mouth down to rural Kentucky where he’s working as a male stripper named White Chocolate and rescues him from predatory cougars. Sam (Chord Overstreet) is welcomed back into the fold with open arms and immediately ruins it by singing a horrible horrible Toby Keith song called Red Solo Cup. Why oh why didn’t he sing “Jack and Diane” instead which would have made so much sense given the title of this episode and been much less embarassing? Oh well. Blaine (Darren Criss) isn’t as thrilled with Sam’s attempts to sex up the New Directions and has a mini meltdown in front of everyone. Finn finds him playing Fight Club and they make peace finally.

Quinn (Dianna Agron) still thinks winning Glee club competitions is the answer to all of life’s problems and will help her get the daughter she didn’t want back from that evil Shelby (Idina Menzel). Armed with the knowledge that Puck (Mark Salling) is currently “cleaning her pool” Quinn intends to tell Principal Figgins and have her fired before sectionals. Rachel (Lea Michele) of all people is the one who talks her down with a speech about how doing the wrong thing doesn’t feel that great. Then Shelby tells her a sad story about growing old and suddenly psychotic Quinn is gone and we have old Quinn back, and praise the baby Jesus cause that shit was getting old.

Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine find themselves ambushed by supreme douche bag Sebastian Warbler at the local coffee house and war is declared over the love and affection of Blaine. I hate Sebastian and not just because he threatens to break up televisions most adorable couple. Sebastian exists only because the writers don’t have the sense to let Kurt release the Kraken on this loser and instead force him to be nice to this guy for no good reason. Whose feelings is he trying to spare here? Blaine couldn’t give two shits about this Warbler and is too naive to see that the guy is about to get all up in his business. I hardly believe that a guy who lost his shit because Sam introduced sexy-time body rolls to the New Directions dance repertoire would be easily coerced into meaningless sex with a troll like Sebastian, and if he were then well it would surely be the End of Days. And can we talk about Kurt’s wardrobe for a moment? This week wasn’t so bad but that wool cape he wore last week looked like something Joan Crawford wore in Mildred Pierce. Seriously!

The After School Special portion of the hour concerned the ongoing battle of dreams between Mike Chang (Harry Shum Jr) and his father. This week Tina intervened and managed to get Mr. Chang to rethink his old Asian ways a bit. Mike just wants to dance after all! And who cares if the life of a dance is full of rejection and heartache? Mr. Chang eventually comes around but it’s too late for Mike to apply to the best dance schools. Or is it? Tina to the rescue!

Oh right. Sectionals. I’m about to make some enemies here because with very few exceptions this season of Glee has really disappointed me with the music. A quick look at my iTunes illustrates this point very well. During season one I downloaded 120 tracks of pure glee awesomeness. Season two only provided 64 songs I cared to relive and so far out of 44 tracks released for season 3 I can only bear to relive 12 of them. And it’s not that the music is bad, it’s just gotten so flat and uninspired and this episode didn’t help. “Man in the Mirror” was great, and “Buenos Aires” was agreeable enough but the rest was just bleh. “I Will Survive”? Really? The mash up with “Survivor” might have helped if the whole thing hadn’t been so…I dunno….tame. The problem seemed to mostly be with the musical arrangement and not with the vocals so don’t think I’m dissing Santana or Mercedes singing here. It was just boring. I did enjoy “ABC” a lot but “Control” sent me to the kitchen looking for snacks. I had never heard “We Are Young” before so I can’t really compare, but I wasn’t rushing to ITunes looking for it after either. The best part of it was seeing the group together again. What does this mean for Shelby? Will the Trouble Tones continue without their powerhouse leads or will she vanish into the subplots like poor Emma Pillsbury? Also does anything think it’s weird that the fact Shelby is Rachel’s mother has completely been dropped? I mean she slept with Puck who ALSO diddled around with Rachel and that is fodder for at least one or two angst filled moments. And where are Rachel’s gay dads? Talk about a missed opportunity!

New Directions seemed destined to win sectionals this year if for no other reason than they got three full length performances instead of just the one song for the other two teams. Unitards? No better names lying around huh? Anyway, after the ego trip that begat the Trouble Tones to begin with I was happy to see their attitudes checked in a big way. And boring music aside I did enjoy the episode even if the general message seemed to be that stripping, while emotionally unfulfilling, is a bang up way to earn some extra cash in this crappy economy. Next week is the inevitable Christmas episode and I’ll go ahead and warn you now…I despise Christmas music. The preview looks promising though.

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REVIEW: Pan Am “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”

December 5, 2011 By 2 Comments

Is Pan Am cancelled? Colette says yes. ABC says no, however it has not been picked up beyond the original 13 episode order. With terrible shows already getting full season orders and ratings in a tailspin I would say the outlook isn’t good, but for now we’ll pretend that Pan Am is leaving everyone in its dust and Keeping Up With The Kardashians is being cancelled instead.

So what happened this week? Colette (Karine Vanasse) and Dean’s (Mike Vogel) romance took a giant leap forward when convinced her to call in sick so he could take her to his parent’s farm and teach her to fly. The baguette hits the fan when his dad wants to know where Bridgette is and Colette realizes that she has been used. But not really used, only sort of used in that nice dopey “don’t know no better” guy sort of way. I’m guessing she forgave him considering they had sex in the hay loft. Rawr. Dean did look good in his jeans so who can blame her for wanting a nice romp?

The rest of the crew head off for London where Laura (Margot Robbie) has a run in with an asshole pilot who goes all Herman Cain on her in the cockpit. Ted (Michael Mosley) comes to her rescue and asks for a favor in return. Turns out he needs help with a lady problem and Laura reluctantly agrees. She winds up creating a new problem when she realizes she kind of sort of likes Ted now that he’s found a girlfriend. I don’t care how nice and funny this old friend he hooked up with is no one was hotter than Laura in that black dress. FIERCE.

Keeping with the “kiss kiss” portion of this episode Maggie (Christina Ricci) made boom boom with a congressman that stands for everything she hates. He was cute though and it helped prove to that boy she lives with that she does use her position to her advantage from time to time, even if it does result in an ill-timed fire emergency and a shoot out.

Now for the bang bang, and I’m not just talking about Colette and Dean’s hayloft romp! After the debacle with her Eastern European loverboy Nico left a very bad taste in her mouth Kate (Kelli Garner) has decided she is done with the glamorous life of a spy. Mr. Anderson has one last job for her though, and its one that could save not only Nico but also Bridgette’s life so she can come back and ruin Colette’s new found love. The mission goes well until the aforementioned fire emergency which sends her target home early and walking right into a fight with her London contact. When things get real Kate grabs a gun and fires! Bang Bang! So did she kill the guy? We’ll have to wait until January to find out.

I have to say as much as I have enjoyed Kate’s mission of the week I am anxious for her role to evolve and after her adventure in London I think it just might. The circumstances that kept her from walking away from this mission were pretty predictable but it opens the door for a lot of drama down the line. There is a lot of room to expand the world of this show and I sincerely hope that Pan Am gets a chance to grow after the winter hiatus.

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