As we head into the Thanksgiving holiday let’s review what the cast of American Horror Story has to be thankful for. Viv should be thankful she gets to have hot fantasy sex with a hunky black man AND that slippery rubber suit guy. When Dylan McDermott is your last choice for hot sweet love then things are looking up. Violet should be thankful that sweet adorable tortured Tate loves her so much he’d go all Edward Cullen on her freshly cut wrists. Ben should be thankful no one has shot his douche ass yet and Constance should be thankful she gets all the good dialogue. 
This week on House Hunters: Demonic Possession Edition the Harmons finally have some potential buyers showing up to tour their little slice of suburban heaven. Marci the realtor isn’t too happy about Vivien’s tactic of full-disclosure concerning the house’s checkered past but Moira has a few ideas about how to secure an offer on the place much to the delight of Armenian playboy Joe Eskandarian (Amir Arison) who wants to tear the place down. I guess she figures a shot in the mouth is a small price to pay for being released from the prison she’s in. I think Moira is on to something here. If more open houses offered blowjobs then the housing crisis would solve itself. 
Larry the Burn Guy (Denis O’Hare) is also interested in the house but slutty Moira (Alexandra Breckenridge) isn’t as interested in “securing his business”. Larry doesn’t want to tear the place down though. He’s more interested in being close to Constance (Jessica Lange) whom he had an affair with once upon a midnight clear. This affair allowed Constance to talk Larry into killing her son Beau and inspired Larry’s somewhat homely wife to barbecue herself and their kids in the upstairs nursery. Beau suffered from the same ailment that Eric Stoltz did in The Mask and is the mysterious owner of the red ball we see rolling around periodically. He was in danger of being sent away when Constance is brought up on charges of child endangerment and a proper southern lady can’t have a scandal like that tainting her dance card. And what is going on in her uterus exactly? 
So Larry lied about killing his family in order to scare Ben away. This was not his finest moment but crazy people cannot always be counted on to make sound decisions. We also learn that Constance doesn’t hold the same fond memories for him that Larry holds for her. Still he is willing to do whatever she wants and proves it by smothering poor Mr. Eskandarian while Moira gnaws his Armenian dick off in the basement. What a way to go. That’s what he gets for building his “temples to the gods of travertine”. 
Vivien (Connie Britton) changes doctors and finds out that not only is her baby healthy (WTF?) there are two of them brewing in her tummy. Is the nurse in on this joke or have the little devil twins developed into normal looking demonic infants with 666 birthmarks? I suspect that’s something they are saving for the finale. She seems in better spirits though and with Ben away she has plenty of time to masturbate. 
Meanwhile Violet (Taissa Farmiga) is upstairs in the attic being emo with Tate (Evan Peters). She’s not handling her new found ability to see every ghost in her house and has taken to cutting herself again. At least Viv and Ben are starting to realize she is depressed and they try to inspire happiness with a pot roast but it doesn’t go so well. Later in the attic Tate shows her a box of old photos he found that belonged to Charles and Norah Montgomery as well as some leftover gay porn that they both find to be quite hot. These flashbacks to the Montgomery’s lead me to believe that they are the source of the issues in the house. Maybe some deal with the devil is what allowed Dr Montgomery to bring their dismembered baby Thaddeus back to life using the beating heart of one of their girls. This results in a hissing monster child that takes a bite out of Norah’s breasticle. Norah is not at all pleased with these developments and resolves the issue by putting a pistol in her husband’s temple and then into her mouth leaving Frankenbaby to fend for itself upstairs. Later when Violet shows Viv a pic of the happy couple Viv realizes that she’s been seeing ghosts for the first time. 
American Horror Story is back on Thanksgiving Eve and Ryan and Brad are promising to reveal the identity of the man in the rubber suit. I have my theories but honestly it could be anyone, even someone we haven’t met yet…although I doubt that.
REVIEW: American Horror Story “Open House”
REVIEW: American Horror Story “Piggy Piggy”
I have renewed faith in the future of American Horror Story. The Halloween two-parter reeled me back in from the brink of just saying fuck it and now I’m slowly being sucked in again. That’s not to say there weren’t some problems with “Piggy, Piggy” but they were far outweighed by the good.
I’m not going to lie. The opening minutes of “Piggy Piggy” were hard to watch. Even though it happened 12 years ago Columbine is still difficult for me to get my head around. Plus, part of me really wanted to believe that Tate (Evan Peters) didn’t kill fifteen of his classmates at Westfield High in 1994. The real mystery now is why. They certainly held nothing back here and the scene was probably the most tense and frightening thing I’ve seen on television in a while. It also showed us that Tate was gunned down in the house by the police shortly after the massacre and doesn’t seem to be at all aware he is dead.
This new information doesn’t sit well with poor misunderstood Violet (Taissa Farmiga) who is dangerously close to a psychotic meltdown of her own. One on hand she has a new BFF who has a drug problem and a fetish for Biblical horrors. On the other she has fallen for a guy who is not only dead but gunned down fifteen people for no good reason and now he’s in love with her. No wonder she fantasizes about cutting herself and winds up with a gut full of prescription sleeping pills. Thankfully her tortured boyfriend is always lurking and manages to save her from herself. She doesn’t seem too keen on the idea but can’t resist a good snuggle.
Meanwhile Vivien (Connie Britton) is too focused on her Devil baby to notice the angst party going on upstairs. Heck everyone is focused on the Devil baby lately. Moira (Frances Conroy) refuses to be fired so she can hang around to help and Constance has taken to dropping by with some nastiness called “sweetbreads” which are neither sweet nor bread like. Paula Deen would not approve. These culinary experiments in terror are “for the good of the baby” Constance tells her and Moira immediately serves them up. Vivien chows down on some fried pancreas and then gobbles up some cow brain like its pumpkin pie. Moira also offers her opinion about Ben and his cheating, something she seems to have some experience with.
Constance (Jessica Lange), while fabulous in a scary Tallulah Bankhead sort of way is the kind of neighbor that most people would file restraining orders against. She lets herself in all the time and this week goes so far as to invite her friend Billie (Sarah Paulson) over to help Violet realize her potential as a medium. Granted, she used to live in the house back when Tate was first getting trigger happy but I have to wonder why she ever sold the place if she couldn’t bear to move any further away than next door and spends more time in her old house than her new one. At any rate, Billie with the vulgar nail polish gives Violet some advice about dealing with the dead and even lets Constance chat with the poor departed Adelaide who doesn’t seem at all upset she has passed on. I guess the afterlife is more appealing than more time in her special mirrored closet.
Ben (Dylan McDermott) is back in the house treating patients because somebody has to make some money around here right? His patient this week is Derek (Eric Stonestreet from Modern Family), a man afraid of everything but especially afraid that urban legends are true and he will die because of one. The focus of his paranoia lately involves the Piggy Man who is essentially Bloody Mary in the form of an angry pig farmer from 19th century Chicago. While this new addition to the urban legend catalog was creepy in its own right it really served no purpose in the context of the episode or the copious amounts of mythology being vomited at us every week. Piggy Man would have made a very good episode of Supernatural but didn’t work at all for this. Derek’s story doesn’t end well at all but since it didn’t end in the house (and Eric Stonestreet is a busy guy) I doubt we’ll see him again. It did establish that Ben will be around the house still despite having been thrown out by Viv after his diddling with Hayden was revealed.
American Horror Story still has some kinks to work out but I think I’m sold on it finally. I still think the narrative is too disjointed and I think they need to reel it in a bit and focus, but each week the show seems a little closer to finding their groove. As for the characters, I don’t know how I feel about Tate now. His sexy angst thing is appealing but now I wonder what will happen if Violet ever does reject him. And why did he do what he did? Was it the house?
Check back in with the Harmons next Wednesday with “Open House”.
American Horror Story: Halloween Part 2
American Horror Story got about the business of answering some questions this week in Halloween Part 2 but I still think this show has way too many irons in the fire. Keeping up with it all is more exhausting than deciphering Lost. It is Halloween still and according to the rules the ghosts that haunt this house can all walk free for one night only.
As last week’s episode came to a close it looked as if Violet was spirited away to an unknown fate by the Rubber Man as Larry the Burn Guy squawked and stomped around on the front porch. This week we find out that no such thing happened. Rubber Man vanished, Larry (Denis O’Hare) left after scaring some trick-or-treaters and Tate showed up to whisk Violet away for their date. Once this fact has been established by a quick cell phone call Ben (Dylan McDermott) grabs the nearest shovel and sets out to dispose of Hayden again. Instead he finds Larry and assumes that he and Hayden are plotting to extort money from him. Ben doesn’t catch on very fast does he?
Hayden (Kate Mara) is a persistent little thing and torments poor Viv about Ben’s trip to Boston. Her trick of writing ASK HIM in the steam on the bathroom mirror was especially effective considering she wasn’t in the room at the time. But making Viv (Connie Britton) think she had cooked the dog was just cruel and made me dread the inevitable reboot of Fatal Attraction. When the two finally do come face to face it isn’t pretty as each finds out the other is pregnant with Ben caught in the middle and he’s forced to come clean. I know someone who’ll be sleeping on the couch forever.
Down at the beach Violet’s date with Tate (Evan Peters) is going well and he continues to be adorably tortured until a group of high school kids show up who are either wearing the best Halloween makeup ever or are dead. I am going with dead, and they have a bone to pick with Tate who quickly gets Violet out of there and back home. It isn’t long before the kids show up again and Tate leads them on a chase around the neighborhood. When they finally corner him they want answers about why he killed them, but he has no idea who they are. This adds more fuel to my suspicion that Tate is dead and doesn’t know it, but it opens up a whole other can of worms such as how did Tate become Ben’s patient, who is paying the bill and who did Ben call to tell them he couldn’t treat him anymore? Plot holes like this are usually reserved for Glee so I hope they tie all this up pretty soon. They also confirmed another suspicion of mine; that Tate is Constance’s perfect son.
Speaking of Constance (Jessica Lange) she seems to have softened up a bit in the wake of Addie’s death. Her conversation with Violet was downright maternal and dare I say the two bonded. She did reveal to Violet the truth about who Tate is but there was no mention made of this notorious Westerfield High massacre. I suspect we’ll learn more about that in the coming weeks. I did think the obvious reference to the Columbine massacre was unnecessary though. No need to beat us over the head with it.
American Horror Story has managed to keep me on board for another week but it is teetering dangerously close to falling apart under all the weight of the plot. I did enjoy seeing Chad (Zachary Quinto) again and thought his comment about feeling forever trapped in a house he’ll never be satisfied with was very telling. Moria (Frances Conroy) confirmed his fears as the ghosts that haunt the Harmon’s house all returned at sunrise.
REVIEW: American Horror Story “Halloween Part 1″
I guess someone at FX heard my cries last week because “Halloween Part 1″ was the best episode of American Horror Story yet. I still think the show has a bit of a focus problem but it seems to finding a groove. Figures it would get really good a week before DirecTV is threatening to drop FX completely due to some asshat money dispute but I have my fingers crossed all will be resolved.
This week gave us the juicy backstory of Chad (Zachary Quinto) and Patrick (Teddy Sears), the fabulously gay and bitter previous owners of this little slice of suburban paradise who according to the realtor died in a gruesome murder/suicide in the basement. Turns out she lied, or was misinformed, or was just trying to get the damn house sold because the truth was the gimp in the vinyl suit killed them both, probably in order to get them to stop bickering about pumpkins carved with the faces of dead French aristocrats. Chad got his neck broken while involuntarily bobbing for apples and Patrick died in a way yet to be revealed. I’m sure we’ll get back to that eventually.
Back in present day the Harmons are still trying to sell the place and having no luck. This seems to be a theme with owners of this house. The realtor suggest they bring in someone to help them stage the place and she has just the pair of gays to do it; Patrick and Chad! So what if they are dead. Real style cannot be contained by planes of existence or afterlives and Vivien (Connie Britton) is all to happy to let them loose. Shame that our undead design team has other motives involving oral sex and subliminally planted seeds of doubt. While Patrick is distracted trying to get into Ben’s (Dylan McDermott) pants upstairs Chad waxes poetic about creative ways to catch someone cheating. You could see the gears in Viv’s brain just clicking away since she hasn’t trusted Ben at all since his little incident back in Boston. And to add to Ben’s problems Larry the Burn guy (Denis O’Hare) is hanging around wanting payment for “services provided” in the form of dead Hayden, and Larry is not someone you want to ignore for very long.
Next door Addy (Jamie Brewer) is very excited about Halloween and wants Violet (Taissa Farmiga) to help her dress up as a pretty girl for trick or treating. Violet obliges by painting the poor girl up like a two-dollar whore. When Constance (Jessica Lange) gets a look at her she nixes the idea immediately since Addy isn’t and never will be pretty and comments that Violet “has another cupcake coming” if she doesn’t keep her nose out of their business. Violet is too distracted by Tate (Evan Peters) to care though, and who wouldn’t be? He’s cute, troubled and dangerous…just what every teen girl dreams of. He shows up in the basement in the gimp outfit (I’m still confused about this but I’ll keep quiet for now) and talks Violet into a session with the Ouija board. While they play he tells her more about Dr. Montgomery and his little abortion business.
We learned a little about Dr. Montgomery and his peach of a wife last week but Tate revealed the rest of the story including the origins of the “Infantata” that roams the basement murdering people. Naturally Violet doesn’t believe him but I think she will soon enough. Before she sends Tate on his way she asks if they can have a real date and he agrees. Ah young love.
Upstairs the Harmons are still preparing for Halloween with Chad and Patrick and Viv is pissed off, and not just because she’s stuck wearing a tacky Rite-Aid witch outfit. She has acted on Chad’s subtle suggestion that she check the phone bill and has discovered that Hayden has called her husband numerous times. She confronts Ben who of course can explain it away and assures her that “Hayden won’t be calling again” because you know, she’s dead and buried under the new gazebo thanks to Larry the Burn guy. Viv isn’t having any of it and wants Ben to move out. So naturally Hayden calls and eventually shows up at the door because she died on the property and if you die on the property you are forever doomed to haunt the place. Just ask Moira who spends most of her time bemoaning her fate but managed to find the will to visit her dying mother and release her from her pain, only to be faced with telling her she can’t cross over with her. Frances Conroy continues to act circles around everyone, but this is not news. She is a goddess.
As the trick or treating gets underway Constance has a change of heart and decides Addy can go dressed as a pretty girl after all, but only if she wears the creepiest and most hideous pretty girl mask anyone has ever worn ever. I don’t think Connie meant any harm by it though and it was nice to see that she does truly love the girl despite how she treats her. All this love and family bonding was wasted though because Addy is barely out the door before she gets run over in the street and killed. Constance tries to get her dead little girl back onto the Harmon’s property before she dies but it was too late and Addy has passed on for good.
Eventually Chad’s impeccable party planning skills are his undoing and he gets himself and his orally fixated boyfriend thrown out when he freaks out about some apples. I hated to see them go because I really enjoy Zachary Quinto so here is hoping he stops by for another visit since he is doomed to an afterlife of torture and regret. All the excitement caused by the gays sent poor Vivien to the ER with baby pains and the nurse on duty ends up fainting when she sees the baby’s image on the sonogram. What did she see exactly? We don’t know yet. We do know that while Ben and Viv were at the hospital the Gimp shows up and disappears with Violet. Was it Tate?
It was nice to get some explanation for some of the lingering questions I’ve had about the world Ryan and Brad have created here. I was very close to bailing on this show and I’m happy to say I’m back on board again, which means that if the Fx/DirecTV deal falls through I’m going to be a very sad panda next Wednesday. If you can, tune into FX Wednesday at 10pm to check out “Halloween Part 2″. I’m sure it will be a scream. Oh, and yes that was two skeletons having engaged in some surprise buttsex on the Harmon’s front lawn.
REVIEW: American Horror Story “Murder House”
Okay FX we need to talk. As a big horror fan I really wanted American Horror Story to be something special. I longed for a show that had me glued to the television quivering with fear each week but it just isn’t working out. What gives? The cast is great and the haunted house is big and spooky when lit a certain way, but last night’s episode “Murder House” was just a train wreck. I don’t mean the sort of big awesome Super 8 train wreck that makes you go “whoa” but a slow and deliberate derailment where you can see the school bus full of orphans holding kittens stuck on the tracks but can’t do anything to help them.
“Murder House” started out okay. The back-story of the doctor sewing bat wings on dead pigs while the theme from Bram Stoker’s Dracula blasts in his basement that then turned to cheap abortions to support his shrieking wife was creepy enough but then Tara’s crazy drunk mom from True Blood showed up in Ben’s office and things started going awry. I get that Moira drugged him but why? It made no sense to me at all. Is she trying to destroy his career because she hates men who cheat based on the fact that she herself slept with Constance’s husband? At least we know now why Connie put a bullet through her face. Old Moira just wants to move into the light so why is she hanging around? Is Slutty Moira keeping her there? Is this her purgatory for being a lonely and horny maid? Why? Why? Why?
Ben (Dylan McDermott) certainly doesn’t need Moira’s help destroying his life. He has already lied to Viv about the nature of his trip back to Boston and lied about their money situation which helps explain why they can’t just up and move out of the house. And Viv has made it very clear if she catches him lying again she’s outtie. The situation gets worse when Hayden shows up at his house with the news she has decided to keep the baby. As soon as those words came out of her mouth I said “she’s dead” and then WHAM…Larry the Burn Guy (Denis O’Hare) relocated her face with a shovel and they buried the poor girl in the hole that Ben was randomly digging earlier in the episode. But even that was no surprise. When Larry was hitting Ben up for money before Hayden showed up I thought “he’s gonna end up doing Ben a big favor and then blackmailing him for the cash”. All this has been done before!
At least Vivien (Connie Britton) seems to have some sense about her. She is all about getting the hell out and actually took Violet out to look at some apartments. But Violet isn’t too keen on moving and threatens to run away if she is forced to leave the house. I’m guessing she under Tate’s spell and with his pouty lips and surly demeanor who wouldn’t be? I think I understand the root of her irrational reaction but the writers are not doing a very good job connecting the dots. And speaking of Tate (Evan Peters) I still think he is Constance’s dead son. Tate is the least of Viv’s worries though. Between their money woes, the Murder House tour and her doctor’s orders that she not move while pregnant it is looking less likely she’ll get the family out before her demon spawn is born. She seemed awfully pleased with the gazebo Ben bought and erected to cover Hayden’s grave at the end though despite their money troubles. I guess she was hoping it would help sell the place.
I’ve heard American Horror Story compared to The Amityville Horror if it had been directed by David Lynch, but I think that is too much praise for this mess. I’ve seen scarier episodes of Supernatural and I bailed on that show years ago. I can’t figure out what is going on with American Horror Story half the time because the world is so inconsistent. Why does the dead wife of the creepy doctor show up with a gunshot wound to her head but no one can see the hole in Moira’s head? And why can everyone see some of the ghosts but others see none of them, but the ones that see them don’t think anything of it? The story may be a poorly executed rehash of a dozen other stories but the stellar acting by Connie Britton and Jessica Lange makes it somewhat compelling. I say somewhat because my attention started drifting along about the time Ben woke up in the front yard with blood on his hands. I found Angry Birds to be more interesting after that but I think I’ll give it another couple of episodes before I decide whether or not to bail on this one. Halloween is usually a promising time for scary shows so we’ll see what Ryan and Brad pull out of their hats for this one.
REVIEW: American Horror Story “Home Invasion”
This week on American Horror Story the Harmon’s fall victim to some twisted tourists fascinated with their home’s murderous history. As someone who drove to Amityville, Long Island in Friday afternoon traffic just to snap a pic of the world’s most famous haunted house I can sort of understand these people. I say sort of because, well as you will see these folks take it a bit far.
Home Invasion kicks off with a flashback to a murder that took place in the house in 1968 when the place was being used as a dormitory at a nursing school. On a night when most of the house is at a Doors concert a man shows up pretending to need help and winds up torturing and murdering the two students left at home. The murder was pretty famous in the neighborhood and led to the house being included on the local Murder House Tour, a fact Ben discovers after being told by a new patient who seems more interested in the house than her fear of being cut in half. Ben sends her on her way when he gets a call from the student he was caught cheating with back in Boston. Turns out the girl is pregnant and wants his support to “deal with it”. Let’s not forget Ben’s wife Viv is also pregnant, possibly carrying the demon love child of the Rubber Man who hangs out in the attic. Babies everywhere!
Whether the kid growing in her belly is demonic or not Viv (Connie Britton) is worried based on the fact she hasn’t had any morning sickness. When Constance (Jessica Lange) drops by with some poisoned cup cakes for Violet (Taissa Farmiga) and says she can smell Viv’s developing fetus Viv asks if she “smells” anything else weird about it. This was quite possibly the weirdest conversation I’ve ever heard. Constance assures her that the kid is normal, whatever that means in this world, and we also learn Constance has four other children. I know I’m intrigued. So why was Constance trying to poison Violet? Yeah I don’t know either.
Ben (Dylan McDermott) heads to Boston to support his old girlfriend during her abortion leaving Viv and Violet home alone. He lies to Viv about where he’s going of course, based on some sage advice from Larry the Burn Guy (Denis O’Hare). To make matters worse the girl freaks out when Ben tries to take a call from his wife so he turns his phone off, a decision he will undoubtedly live to regret given what happens next.
Later that night a woman shows up at the front door seeking help from an invisible assailant. It’s the same scenario from 1968 all over again, only this time two other intruders are already in the house with creepy black masks on. They round up Viv and Violet and tie them to chairs in the foyer. The whole scene reminded me a lot of that Liv Tyler flick The Strangers. Thankfully this scenario played out a bit differently.
These intruders, one of whom is the weird patient Ben was talking to earlier in the episode, are there on the anniversary of the 1968 murders to recreate the event. The whole scenario plays out beautifully with both women cleverly manipulating their captors so that they gain the upper hand. Violet had some help from Tate (Evan Peters) who was mysteriously in the house for no reason again. Viv managed to get Adelaide (also randomly wandering the house again) to seek help from Constance but when that doesn’t work she knocks her captor unconscious. In the end the intruders die at the hands of the crazy basement baby and the girls get out.
So what else did we learn this week? We learned that Adelaide and Tate can get into the house even if the doors are locked which leads me to believe that either they both have keys, are both expert lock pickers or are both possibly ghosts. The ghost scenario seems likely but I honestly don’t know what to think. I don’t believe Tate is a ghost based solely on the fact that Ben had a conversation with his case worker about ending his treatment after Tate gets all graphic about his sex fantasies concerning Violet.
That Violet is a piece of work isn’t she? Her resentment of her Mom’s pregnancy seemed to come from nowhere. And I don’t know what to make of this sudden friendship with the crazy girl who terrorized her in the pilot. Why is she hanging around with her trying to console her after what Tate (or was it Crazy Basement Baby) did to her last week? At least her attitude towards Viv seemed to change a bit after she saw how she handled the intruders. If this had been a show on the CW a meaningful ballad by The Click Five would have been playing over that scene.
We also learned that Tate, Moira and Constance all know each other. Constance revealed that Moira used to work for her but where does Tate fit in? Constance did mention the only child of hers not affected by Down Syndrome was the “picture of physical perfection” so could Tate be that child? He is attractive enough I think. And his being the spawn of Constance fits in with the yet to be revealed agenda she seems to have involving Violet. And what about her boy toy Travis? Dumb as a box of yo yos. Speaking of Moira, if anyone is a good candidate to be a ghost it’s Moira. She’s been “with the house” for a very long time and appears to people differently. There was also that bit in the preview from last week where Constance looks at Moira (Frances Conroy) and says “Don’t make me kill you…again.” Maybe she was unhappy with her dusting?
With any haunted house story the burning question on most people’s minds is “why don’t they just move out?” Well Viv apparently feels the same way because after Ben gets home from Boston she tells him they are selling the house…pronto. I have a feeling escaping won’t be quite that easy.
There is something not right about American Horror Story and I can’t put my finger on it. The story is certainly interesting and I look forward to finding out what exactly is going on in this house, but it just isn’t really all that scary to me. The events plaguing the Harmons are horrible but so far each incident seems to be an effort to shock the viewer instead of scaring them. That isn’t to say I don’t enjoy it. There were a few moments in Home Invasion that had me teetering very close to the edge of my seat but I never quite got there.
I think I went into this show expecting one thing and it turned out to be something else entirely. I do prefer a slow burn to my horror rather than a series of shocks. Being weird and shocking just for the sake of doing it gets old very fast. The flow of each episode feels a little jerky and disjointed to me and the jumps in time take a little getting used to. My own weird preferences aside, this week was pretty darn good. American Horror Story returns to FX next Wednesday with “Murder House”.
REVIEW: American Horror Story “Pilot”
Remember what happened when you took Tylenol PM and drank an entire bottle of $4 white zinfandel while watching Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me at 3am? Remember that feeling of disorientation and befuddlement? Or was that just me? Watching American Horror Story reminded me a bit of that feeling a bit too much. I didn’t see any spectral white horses or dancing midgets in my living room but I did go to sleep wondering what in the hell I had just watched.
The team that brought us Glee (yes THAT Glee) Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk have diverted about as far as possible from their feel good teen musical romp into a world of self-mutilation, gruesome miscarriages, killer infants and a house that makes that lovely home in Amityville seem like a bed and breakfast. The pilot was a bit overwhelming to be honest. I could hardly make sense of all the information being squirted out of the television, but it is stylish and interesting and Jessica Lange chews a hole in the scenery big enough to walk through. She should be worshipped often.
Here is the setup. Therapist Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott) and his wife Vivien (Connie Britton) are making a move to the west coast with their bundle of sunshine daughter Violet (Taissa Farmiga) after Ben was caught canoodling one of his students in the aftermath of Vivien’s horrific miscarriage. The couple is putting on a happy front for their daughter but things are far from peachy. With the help of a perky realtor (Mrs. Huber from Desperate Housewives) they find a new house in Los Angeles where they can make a fresh start. Mayhem and terror ensues.
With any haunted house story the house itself is the main character American Horror Story is no different. The house in question is large and appropriately creepy when viewed from the extreme camera angles so common in this genre. However it doesn’t look as old as it claims to be and in its dilapidated state looks more like the haunted mansion ride at Disneyland than an eighty year old abandoned mansion. Thank goodness the gay couple who lived there before had the good sense to restore the place completely before killing themselves in the basement. They were also kind enough to leave behind their bondage gear, including a rubber gimp suit which is just hanging around in the attic waiting to be used.
The neighbors are no picnic either. Right next door is Constance (Jessica Lange), an aging southern belle with aging attitudes about the world, a doggie day car service and a disturbing relationship with her daughter Addie who is mentally challenged and has a bizarre fixation with the house. Constance is glorious and got all the good dialogue in the pilot. My favorite of her quotes involved her “flashing her green pasture for all to see”. Her daughter is a mess though and I have no doubt will be up to no good before this is over. Another scene stealer arrived in the form of Moira the housekeeper who comes with the house and who appears to each of the Harmon’s in a different form. Vivien and Violet see her as an old woman with a bad eye (Frances Conroy) while Ben sees her as a hot young slutty maid (Alexandra Breckenridge) who’d rather polish her lady parts than the silver.
This first episode was a bit disjointed to be honest. I suspect the jarring changes in tone were an attempt to unsettle the viewer and it succeeded to the point of almost turning me off. Violet’s encounters at school with a shrieking trio of Mean Girls who attack her after the most minor of teenage infractions is so stunningly out of place and over the top that it was almost silly. Violet’s revenge with the help of her dad’s new patient Tate (Evan Peters) was equally bizarre and confusing. Tate is a whole can of messy worms as well. He’s in therapy because he dreams of murdering his classmates and his penchant for self-mutilation helps him forge a bond with the impressionable and possibly horny Violet .By the end I was questioning which of these characters was real and which ones were ghosts. I’m sure that is the whole point. The bad news here is that while I found American Horror Story to be visually stunning and the characters compelling there wasn’t much scary about it. To be fair, I watch horror movies a lot and I could be desensitized to a lot of what makes the average person hide under the blankets. It had some great moments and Team Glee did manage to crank up the creepy to a respectable level. We’ll see how it plays out.
The good news is that the acting is top notch. Connie Britton and Dylan McDermott are wonderful. Their argument about his infidelity and her miscarriage was heartbreaking to watch. It does lead to a moment of reconciliatory sex on the floor which opens the door for the Rubber Man to appear later and impregnate Vivien with the house’s demon spawn. Why does the house want her pregnant? Does it have something to do with the killer toddler in the basement? Who knows? The house certainly seems to have an agenda. Former tenant Larry (Denis O’Hare) has definite opinions about it and tries to warn Ben to get his family out before he burns them alive like he did. But was he a ghost too? It’s hard to tell at this point.
American Horror Story is certainly worth a look. It is a nice departure from the cop procedurals and Who is Dancing with Who shows that dominate the networks lately. The first hour seemed to be trying a little too hard but I think when it finds its legs the tone will level out a bit. Tune in to FX Wednesdays at 10pm to check it out, but make sure the kids are in bed. Remember this is cable so while you may get a glimpse of Dylan McDermott’s ass (long glimpses even) you also might see something gross. Just a friendly warning.
